Defenseless Hearts (Fumbled Futures #2)
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Read between January 19 - January 22, 2023
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nothing is ever enough when it comes to Kenra—so
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“Why do you wanna dance with me?” I speak low, and she licks her lips. “Hmm?” “Because, last time, I never got the chance.”
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We’re standing on an empty corner in front of some stranger’s house. We have no music and no dance floor. But none of that matters. If she wants to dance, we’ll dance.
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We were only supposed to be friends, but somewhere along the way, I forgot to remember she wasn’t mine to keep and gave her my heart anyway.
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And, once again, my heart drives away, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do to stop it.
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“Don’t worry,” he whispers into the dark morning, and I breathe in his words. “Be happy.”
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“Never be afraid of what you feel when you’re with me. I’ve got you.” “Always,” she whispers.
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“I don’t want to be in the way.” “You could never be in the way.”
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“I haven’t laughed or smiled even in months, Parker. Haven’t felt like myself in over a year.” Her eyes slide back to mine. “You had me smiling within two minutes of opening the door, laughing within an hour.”
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“It’s always been easy for you and me, Kens,” I speak low.
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“Who we are together is easy, second nature, and it always has been. All the rest?” My eyes shift between hers. “It could be, too.”
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I close my eyes, hoping this isn’t the last time she’s the last thing I get to see before I go to sleep.
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Our deep sighs match, and we fall back asleep, together, as we should.
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’Cause the Kenra giggling at the birds in the trees above her, running her fingertips across the bright pink flowers that circle the small pond at the end of the hill … that’s my Kenra.
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She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
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“I almost kissed you that night. Right after the movie. You were starting to fall asleep, so I covered you up. The moment I did, you crawled over and laid against me. It was almost too much—to hold you like that and not be able to truly hold you like it meant something.”
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“Every time you’ve ever been in my arms, from four years ago to five minutes ago, every damn time … it means something to me. You mean something to me.”
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“I tried to wait you out. Hoped you’d give in to the things you wanted, but I don’t wanna wait anymore.”
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“I want you, Kenra. Plain and damn simple.”
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“You want me; you always have. I know this. So, I’m sorry if it’ll be hard for you, but I’m going all in. No more holding back. I can’t make decisions for you, but I can’t live with the regret of never trying.”
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“No talking me out of it. I need you. Want you. I’ve gotta try.”
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“You’ve got one more ride, Kens. Just you.” He taps my palm, and I reluctantly pull my eyes from his to look to the fortune cookie in my hand. “Close your eyes and feel. I’ll be just outside the door … waiting for you.”
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Written there in the plainest of fonts, bolded black words mock me. Happiness is a choice.
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Happiness is a choice. And I choose to sacrifice my own for the sake of those I love.
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“Sometimes, in order to win, we do things we don’t always agree with. Things we think are wrong. But, Hero, a good defense can only do so much against a solid offense. If you’ve only got one play left in you, give it all you’ve got. He doesn’t deserve your respect.”
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It’s not lost on me that her entire body is covered twenty-four/seven, but I’m too afraid of what I’ll find if I look past the cashmere. Because, if it’s bruises I find, I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. But it won’t be good.
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“Then, right after, seconds after I just took him back, he’d kiss me … and I’d close my eyes every single time, wondering what you kissing me would feel like.”
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I refuse to ever see her as anything other than mine.
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“Baby, get your ass off another man’s bed and back in the one I’m lying naked in.”
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would have come with you if you wanted to run away. I would have come. Anywhere. I love you.”
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AWW at least one vermont is a good one
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“I think it’s cool. She’s a complete part of him now; she has his blood running through her.” “She’s sixteen,” I remind him. Nate shrugs, looking from them to me. “Still pretty cool.” I look to Lolli, whose brows are creased as she looks at Nate, but she turns before he can see it and heads for her room.
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HUH I SEE. NATE IN BABY FEVER I GUESS
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“I can’t even think about any of that. It kills me. I start remembering the thoughts I had about her, the doubt I felt, and it fucking sickens me, man. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that.”
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aww nate
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“Your sister means a lot to me, Nate. Always has. She and I grew close over the years, just behind everyone else’s eyes.” “Why?” “I don’t really know.” I shrug. “At first, it seemed strange, and then after a while, it just felt like ours.” “Fuck, dude.” He scrubs his hands down his face. “You love her, don’t you?”
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“What about Deaton? Do I need to fuck him up? If he makes Payton cry—” “No, no. From what I heard, he’s good to her. Course, I’ll pay close attention, just in case.” “Yeah, me, too.” Nate nods.
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“I’d make it my mission to see you smile, hear you laugh, as much as possible.”
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“Does he know?” “He knows, even bought me a set of real silver blades once,” she whispers. “As long as my arms stay covered, all is well in his world.”
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WHAT A SICK PRICK
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“My point here, Kenra, is he had to do something selfish to save himself. Why is it you can’t do the same?” “There’s a lot more at risk for me.”
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I love her more than I knew a person could love someone. She might come off as bitchy and spoiled, but that’s not who she is. That’s her defense. She’s kind and warm and the best fucking person I have ever met.
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AWW DEATON
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“Let me ask you something; would you make the selfish choice if it took from people you loved?” “If it gave me Payton? In a heartbeat,” he answers instantly.
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“Happiness, Kenra. I wanted her happy. I wanted them where they belonged, where the best versions of themselves lived, which for those two is when they’re together.
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“You’ve got nerve, Kenra. Real fucking nerve. All I’ve tried to do for years is get you to need me back because I’ve fucking needed you. You were the only one I had when my world fell apart. Nothing felt right if you weren’t around. Then, when you were there, it wasn’t as mine. I waited, Kenra. I held out hope that you’d one day knock and finally tell me you needed me back, but you never did.
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All I thought about was how I wasn’t enough for my mother to love, not enough for my dad to be brave, not enough to save my sister from the hell I lived, and not enough for you to walk away from your asshole fiancé.”
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“If you cared about me even a little bit, which I know you do, then you’d be happy Lolli showed up when she did.”
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“Because she saved me, helped fix all the things you broke in me. She made me believe I was enough, that the things that had happened in my life were beyond my control. Bad happened to me, yes, but not because of who I was or wasn’t. Meeting her, growing close to her, might very well be the best thing that has ever happened to me. She gave me hope without trying. Because that’s who she is. I have a piece of her, just like she does me, and I’ll forever be grateful for her. And, yes, Kenra, since you wanna hear me say it so damn bad … I do love Lolli.”
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He knows I love her. More than that, he knows how much I respect her and their relationship. I’d do anything for her. She’s a part of me, and she always will be. We’re family.
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“I was coming home, Parker. For good. For you.”
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and then my lips are on hers, and if I didn’t know it already, this was the sign—nobody could ever take her place.
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This can’t be like all the times before. I can’t let her go. I need her to stay.
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Then, when she was pulled and moved schools, after you moved, I convinced my mother I needed to switch, too, to keep her. Took me two weeks to fall for her and took me a year to get her to trust me enough to show her. I would give up everything I have for her without a second thought. Instantly. Always.”
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wow deaton you surprise me every time
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This girl in front of me—this is my Kenra. Every damn bit of her. Every single inch is mine.