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If your fundamental worldview, by contrast, assumes that your status in the eyes of others is of negligible importance, then it follows that you should be beyond the reach of social anxiety.
It very soon became evident to me that Stoicism was, in fact, the school of ancient Western philosophy with the most explicitly therapeutic orientation and the largest armamentarium, or toolbox, of psychological techniques at its disposal.
“cognitive theory of emotion,” which holds that our emotions are mainly determined by our beliefs.
When we take it on as a philosophy of life, with daily practice, we have the opportunity to learn greater emotional resilience, strength of character, and moral integrity.
Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be; just be one.
To learn how to die, according to the Stoics, is to unlearn how to be a slave.
He has firmly grasped the truth that death is both a natural and inevitable part of life.
Now that his time has come he welcomes it with a philosophical attitude.
From the moment we’re born we’re constantly dying, not only with each stage of life but also one day at a time. Our bodies are no longer the ones to which our mothers gave birth, as Marcus put it. Nobody is the same person he was yesterday. Realizing this makes it easier to let go: we can no more hold on to life than grasp the waters of a rushing stream.
For the Stoics, death is just such a natural transformation, returning our body to the same source from which we came.
Never say that anything has been lost, they tell us. Only that it has returned to Nature.
No number of bodyguards, as Marcus once said, is enough to shield a ruler who does not possess the goodwill of his subjects.
what the Cynics meant was that our character is the only thing that ultimately matters and that wisdom consists in learning to view everything else in life as utterly worthless by comparison.
External advantages such as wealth may create more opportunities but in themselves they simply don’t have the kind of value that can ever define a good life.
Stoicism divided into three broad topics: Ethics, Logic, and Physics
The Stoics adopted the Socratic division of cardinal virtues into wisdom, justice, courage, and moderation.
The true goal of life for Stoics isn’t to acquire as many external advantages as possible but to use whatever befalls us wisely, whether it be sickness or health, wealth or poverty, friends or enemies. The Stoic Sage, or wise man, needs nothing but uses everything well; the fool believes himself to “need” countless things, but he uses them all badly.
Even the Stoic wise man, therefore, may tremble in the face of danger. What matters is what he does next. He exhibits courage and self-control precisely by accepting these feelings, rising above them, and asserting his capacity for reason.
true strength consisted of one’s ability to show kindness, not violence or aggression.
He never rushed making a decision and was always willing to question his first impressions.
He genuinely sought to transform himself into a better person instead of merely scoring points against intellectual rivals.
“being a good man before puberty, and a skilled speaker before donning the robes of manhood.”
those states prospered where the philosophers were kings or the kings philosophers.
“The master ought not come to the pupil, but the pupil to the master.”
there was a relationship between the sincere love of wisdom and greater emotional resilience.
By contrast, the human capacity for thought allows us to perpetuate our worries beyond these natural bounds. Reason, our greatest blessing, is also our greatest curse.
Responding calmly and with courage is more important.
although the situation may appear frightening, the truly important thing in life is how he chooses to respond.
What he does not do, though, is make things worse for himself by continuing to worry.
As the Stoics like to put it, the wise man is not made of stone or iron but of flesh and blood.
What matters, in other words, isn’t what we feel but how we respond to those feelings.
when a man lies, he alienates himself from Nature.23
According to Diogenes Laertius, Stoic rhetoric identified five “virtues” of speech: 1. Correct grammar and good vocabulary 2. Clarity of expression, making the ideas easily understood 3. Conciseness, employing no more words than necessary 4. Appropriateness of style, suited to the subject matter and apparently also to the audience 5. Distinction, or artistic excellence, and the avoidance of vulgarity
as the ability to examine events rationally and view them realistically by stripping them down to their essential characteristics in this way.
“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”
Stoic way of viewing events objectively, separating value judgments from facts.
that if they can avoid being swept along with false and upsetting impressions, they will remain grounded in the objective representations they initially perceived.31
Sticking to the facts can, by itself, often reduce your anxiety.
Think about it: when you’re distressed, don’t you tend to exaggerate and use vivid, emotional language to describe things, both to yourself and other people?
Mental images of feared events often rapidly escalate to the worst, most anxiety-provoking part and then remain glued there as if the upsetting experience were somehow timeless.
Treat the event like a sparring partner in the gym, giving you an opportunity to strengthen your emotional resilience and coping skills.
“It’s not things that upset us but our judgments about things,”
“It’s not things that upset us but our judgments about things”
those who assume that they have the fewest flaws are often the ones most deeply flawed in the eyes of others.
Galen says that Plato explained this well when he said that lovers are typically blind regarding the one they love. As we, in a sense, love ourselves most of all, we are also most blind with regard to our own faults.
wise man should welcome criticism from his friends.
He was always polite and refrained from speaking harshly even when others insulted him. He patiently endured much abuse and yet was able to put an end to most quarrels in a calm and rational manner.11
we should give everyone we meet permission to tell us what our faults are, according to Galen, and resolve not to be angry with any of them.
we should welcome criticism from others as one of life’s inevitabilities and turn it to our advantage by making all men into our teachers.
if we desire to learn wisdom, we must be ready to listen to anyone we encounter and show gratitude “not to those who flatter us but to those who rebuke us.”14
