The Bride Test

by Helen Hoang

You kissed a woman if you wanted to date her and have a relationship, if you wanted to love and be loved in return, if you could love.

For someone who didn’t like touching, he spent an awful lot of time fantasizing about it.

Right then and there, Khai decided green was his favorite color, but it had to be this specific shade of seafoam green.

She couldn’t cry. She was supposed to be happy for the both of them because he didn’t know how.

She was in his arms, turning to him, trusting him, just like that time she’d had the nightmare. It was terrifying. It was wonderful.

She was already a song that played on endless repeat in his head.

“He will. He likes everybody.” And everybody liked Quan back.

Yep, he knew this place, but it was different with Esme by his side. Everything was different with Esme.

Esme facts went in a special place in his mind, never to be forgotten, and it bothered him how little he actually knew.

Khai exhaled quietly and stared down at his hand. It hadn’t occurred to him to make her laugh. He didn’t even know how. Good thing there were people like Quan in this world.

And if she asked, he knew he would give her anything. If he could.

recalled his brother’s weakness for orphaned anything—dogs, cats, tiny gangsters from school, you name it.

Quan was perfect for her. His brother could give Esme the things Khai couldn’t. Quan could make her happy and understand her, and most important, Quan could love her. Khai wanted that for her. She deserved that.

No matter how hard she tried, something about her was always off.

And here. She’d come to find him again. No one ever looked for him.

They all knew he wanted to be alone. Except it wasn’t always that way. Sometimes he was alone out of habit. Sometimes it took effort to distract himself from the growing emptiness inside.

She’d never been kissed like this, like he’d die if he stopped.

He didn’t mind getting caught kissing her.

He always expected her to turn him away, but she never did.

She overwhelmed his senses, made it impossible to think.

In a split second, she redefined perfection for him. His standards aligned to her exact proportions and measurements. No one else would ever live up to her.

It was the look on her face, the way she watched every movement. To him, his body was just . . . his body, this thing he lived inside of. Seeing himself from her eyes was a new experience.

And he knew it was because he was with Esme. She made everything different. He was so glad she was his first.

He would always be leaving her. Because she wasn’t what he wanted. She’d known this, but she’d thrown herself at him anyway.

she swore everything stopped here. No more. No more secret hoping, no more seducing, no more caring about him. She was done. She wasn’t rich, classy, or smart, but she wasn’t something you could use once and toss away. She had value.

She had value.

She deserved better than this.

She didn’t need to sleep with him. Her anger would keep her company.

She was so beautiful she made his chest hurt.

He kissed her like she was his whole world,

“Please, don’t let me make you cry,” he whispered in her ear. “If something is wrong, tell me so I can fix it. Please.” Her heart squeezed, and she hugged him tight. “I’ll tell you.”

“Show me how to make it good for you, too,” he said as he looked at her directly, no trace of shame on his face. “Because I need you to feel the way I do right now.”

Safe in his arms. Him safe in hers. She hugged him tighter. He was bigger and stronger, but she would protect him with everything she had.

The thought of losing her made his stomach drop and his body stiffen in rejection, and he brushed the hair away from her cheek and kissed the top of her head, needing to reassure himself she was still here.

Khai Diep, CPA, Esme addict.

He liked this, the snuggling, her smiles, the fact that she helped him be there for her. He hadn’t known she needed to be hugged, and it was immensely freeing that instead of getting angry with him or sad, she communicated and showed him what to do.

He’d come just for Esme.

Khải looked like he was about to have the heart attack Esme had been aiming for.

Why do you roll socks that way?” She looked down and spun the sparkly bracelet on her wrist. “You kept ignoring me. I did it to make you think of me.” “So you don’t roll yours that way?” “No,” she said with a laugh. He tilted his head to the side. “It worked.” She grinned. “I know.”

He pulled on her arm until she relented. Instead of inspecting her hand, however, he brought her fist to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. “I don’t care what these hands do as long as they’re yours.”

It was her smile. She was happy. All was right in the world.

It wasn’t like he planned to get married over and over. Just once was enough. He would never want anyone other than Esme. His addiction was very specific.

Girl loves boy loves girl.

He’d never have cake again and not think of her, never drink champagne and not think of her.

Every success of his life would taste like Esme.

There were an infinite number of reasons to exist on this earth, but that seemed the most important of them all—making Esme happy.

His lungs stopped breathing. His heart stopped beating. Esme loved him.

What had he done that she loved him? He’d do it a million more times.

“Do you love me? Maybe just a little?” He went cold. Not that question. Why had she asked that question? He could give her every thing she wanted, a green card, real diamonds, his body, but love? Stone hearts didn’t love.

But he made himself admit the truth. “I don’t.” She blinked and shook her head before she smiled again. “You love me more than a little.” “No, Esme.” He stepped back and let go of her. “I’m sorry . . . but I don’t love you a lot or a little. I don’t love you at all.” I can’t. Her face went slack, her eyes wide, watery. “Not at all?” she whispered. “I don’t love you.” His entire being hurt like it was imploding. “I never will.”