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If it is a mistake, it is my mistake. The consequences will be mine to live with.
I don’t want to let go of Tomas’s hand, but I convince each finger to uncurl. I move away from the strength Tomas’s presence has lent me, and I stand.
no matter the pressures or fears that come, I will not put aside the beliefs I grew up with in order to pass. Nor will I forget this girl’s fate.
My heart aches that he won’t share his pain and the source of it with me. Although, how can I object? I have secrets too. Secrets that make me fight sleep. And when sleep pulls me under, those secrets chase me in my dreams.
The earth is resilient, but it’s hard to imagine a time when this place will be anything but a terrible reminder of what we as a people can do.
“Do you think the people who bombed this city really understood the damage they were causing? Do you think they realized winning might mean killing everyone and everything—even themselves?”
While the fourth test measures many of the same areas as its predecessor, it’s also designed to gauge not only the choices we make, but also how we live with those choices once we’ve made them.
“The best leaders make mistakes and then learn from them. The best leaders never make the same mistakes again. The only way you can learn is if you understand the mistakes that were made.”
“Maybe that’s the mark of a real leader. Admitting a mistake has been made and finding a way to stop it at all costs.”
All the living want to do is care for the dead. And now they, too, are among the fallen.
“I thought you were a nice guy, Will.” “I am a nice guy.” He laughs. “Nice guys don’t kill.”
I’m scared Will’s right. That killing and learning to live with it was the point. Since I, too, have killed I do not have to worry about meeting the criteria. But I am no longer certain I want to be a leader. Not if my country values murder above compassion.
“All leaders have to live with disappointment at some point or another. If I have to learn that lesson early, I won’t enjoy it, but I will do my best not to let you down.”
Can losing my memories truly wipe the shadow from my heart? Maybe, and for a moment I allow myself to yearn for that blissful ignorance. Dreams filled with peace. A future free of too much knowledge.
