It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered

by Lysa TerKeurst

It’s the story where my toes can dig deeply into the sands of a glorious land called normal. A land I didn’t design but one where I’m allowed to nod in agreement before any changes occur. And I can veto all circumstances that don’t look right, feel right, or smell right. My lungs inhale fresh gusts of predictability and the wind is always a gentle breeze. Never unstable or stormy and certainly not brutal or destructive.

Humans are very attached to outcomes. We say we trust God but behind the scenes we work our fingers to the bone and our emotions into a tangled fray trying to control our outcomes. We praise God when our normal looks like what we thought it would. We question God when it doesn’t. And walk away from Him when we have a sinking suspicion that God is the one who set fire to the hope that was holding us together.

We feel weighed down by grief while at the same time unable to get our bearings as the weightless ashes of all we thought would be fly away.

I make such big assumptions of what a good God should do and then find myself epically disappointed when the winds change, the struggle bus takes a sharp turn left, and nothing at all feels right. This isn’t how I pictured my life right now.

Though we can’t predict or control or demand the outcome of our circumstances, we can know with great certainty we will be okay. Better than okay. Better than normal. We will be victorious because Jesus is victorious (1 Corinthians 15:57). And victorious people were never meant to settle for normal.

When we empty ourselves of our misplaced hopes and limited perspectives, we have to fill ourselves up with something.

Though we can’t predict or control or demand the outcome of our circumstances, we can know with great certainty we will be okay.

We will be victorious because Jesus is victorious. And victorious people were never meant to settle for normal.

Sometimes to get your life back, you have to face the death of what you thought your life would look like.

The disappointment that is exhausting and frustrating you? It holds the potential for so much good. But we’ll only see it as good if we trust the heart of the Giver.

But disappointment isn’t proof that God is withholding good things from us. Sometimes it’s His way of leading us Home.

Remember, this is a love story. And we will never appreciate or even desire the hope of our True Love if lesser loves don’t disappoint.

But what if shattering is the only way to get dust back to its basic form so that something new can be made?

No matter how well I follow the rules, do what’s right, and seek to obey God with my whole heart, I can’t control my life. I can’t control God.

If I want His promises, I have to trust His process. I have to trust that first comes the dust, and then comes the making of something even better with us. God isn’t ever going to forsake you, but He will go to great lengths to remake you. What if disappointment is really the exact appointment your soul needs to radically encounter God?

Few things affect me more than being disappointed by those people who love me. But being disappointed by the fact that God doesn’t seem to be showing up during times of my greatest need? That wrecks my soul.

When there is an undoing of your life, there is an unknowing of every next millisecond. Every next breath. The peaceful predictability of what you thought would be your life is suddenly replaced by a very unexpected darkness and silence you aren’t used to. It’s like when the power suddenly goes out in an office with no windows.