Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating

by Christina Lauren

Before we get started, there are a few things you should know about me: I am both broke and lazy—a terrible combination. I am perpetually awkward at parties and in an effort to relax will probably end up drinking until I’m topless. I tend to like animals more than people. I can always be counted on to do or say the worst possible thing in a delicate moment.

In summary, I am superb at making an ass out of myself.

when I meet someone I love, I become an octopus and wind my tentacles around their heart, tighter and tighter until they can’t deny they love me just the same.

I learned a very important thing that day: my mom would never try to change for a man, and I wouldn’t, either.

“I realize that finding the perfect person isn’t going to be easy for me because I’m a lot to take,” she says, “but I’m not going to change just so that I’m more datable.”

We both know Hazel is a butterfly. I think you have the power to take the dust from her wings.”