Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating
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Read between July 24 - July 25, 2025
3%
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when I meet someone I love, I become an octopus and wind my tentacles around their heart, tighter and tighter until they can’t deny they love me just the same.
8%
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I imagine most elementary school teachers nap, eat, or cry when they have a free period.
12%
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I learned a very important thing that day: my mom would never try to change for a man, and I wouldn’t, either.
24%
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“I tend to be too chatty, too silly, too exuberant, too random, too eager.” She spreads her hands. “Too Hazel-y.”
26%
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“I realize that finding the perfect person isn’t going to be easy for me because I’m a lot to take,” she says, “but I’m not going to change just so that I’m more datable.”
45%
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“You’re my person,” she says. “Thanks for sticking up for me tonight.” She gives these vulnerable words so freely it makes fondness clench at something in my chest. Taking her hand, I bring it to my mouth and press a quick kiss to the backs of her knuckles. “I like being your person.”
57%
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“Is it strange that I’ve never had one of those? I’ve never really had a love that could consume me. I want to know that kind of fire.”
58%
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“I think that’s the one thing that could dim her light. We both know Hazel is a butterfly. I think you have the power to take the dust from her wings.”
77%
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“Just—come sit here.” He pats the blanket next to him. “I’m dancing!” Tyler leans in. “You’re… being sort of embarrassing.” It falls flatly, with a clang, like a penny into an empty bucket. So this is what it feels like.
78%
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it feels like he’s this redwood in the forest of my life,
79%
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I’d buy a lifetime supply of fire extinguishers and eat bad pancakes every day to have her around again.