Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating

by Christina Lauren

I am both broke and lazy—a terrible combination. I am perpetually awkward at parties and in an effort to relax will probably end up drinking until I’m topless. I tend to like animals more than people. I can always be counted on to do or say the worst possible thing in a delicate moment.

Same!!

I’m nonverbal for a good thirty seconds afterward, lying on the bed in a pose that I really hope looks more Sated Goddess than Deflated Hobo, but I can’t be bothered regardless.