Mothers and fathers butt heads in this mismatch of ideas about what makes an adequate parent. If I believe in my bones that being a good mother means thinking about my children’s needs a hairbreadth short of all of the time, and my husband does not believe in his bones that being a good father means thinking about his children’s needs a hairbreadth short of all of the time, we are reaching for different rings. I am bound to be baffled when our divergent internal pressures show their outlines—when he fails to register that spring break is approaching and we will need child care, or that the
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