The Hardest Fall

by Ella Maise

This book is for those of us who are a little shy with a little bit of weird mixed in (in the best possible way). I hope you have a Dylan in your life.

I don't, but thanks for making me feel even more alone Ella

“You didn’t choose me.” “Nope, I didn’t. It’s not that you’re not good-looking—you definitely are, in a rugged sort of way, which would work for me. I’d kiss you if I had to, but you weren’t my first choice.” “You’re doing wonders for my ego. Keep going.”

She shut her eyes and shook her head. I just stood there, watching her, listening to her, waiting for her to finish her story. I couldn’t really have moved even if I wanted to; she was…it was all too…captivating—that’s the word I was looking for. She was all over the place and yet she was captivating as hell, a fresh breath of air, for some reason.

That’s when I realized her eyes were watering. Having a sister teaches you a thing or two about these things, and I knew this girl was seconds away from crying. “Wait. Hey, wait!” I yelled, quickly walking after her before she could disappear. She glanced back at me over her shoulder without stopping. “What’s your name?” I yelled louder. She gave me a small smile, something between sad and horrified, just as I watched that first tear slide down. Then she was gone, disappearing into the crowd before I could reach her. Why I wanted to know her name, why my eyes looked for her every now and then the entire night…back then, I didn’t know.

He lifted his head and made eye contact with me. The big smile he was sporting slowly melted off his face. Dead. Just chock-full of brilliant ideas that day, I quietly gasped, spun around, and kinda started speed-walking while cursing myself—not my best moment, as you can imagine. My eyes were glued to the ground, and my stomach dropped for the second time. Calm down, you drama queen. “Hey! You! Wait a second! Hey!” No. Nope. Not doing that.

Completely forgetting why I was in this mess in the first place, I dropped to my knees and reached for the scaled structure. “I’m so sorry. Really, can I do—” “Don’t touch it!” yelled the same guy who had spoken a second before as he slapped my hand away—actually slapped it. Surprised, I cradled it against my chest. He hadn’t hurt me or anything, but, I couldn’t even remember the last time my mom had slapped my hand away for trying to steal food from the table.

“You’re gonna tell me your name, right, Flash?” I watched him glance around then focus his gaze back on me. “I mean, it’s crowded, and you proved you’re fast, I’ll give you that, but I’m pretty good on my feet, and this time, now that I know what to look out for, I’ll catch you, no problem.” Hi Dylan, meet mortification in the flesh.

“Zoe?”

“How about that kiss?” Frowning, I asked, “What about it?” “How about we have that kiss now?”

“See you around, Zoe. Third time is the charm, so maybe next time we’ll make it happen.”

The first time I’d parted ways with him, I’d done so with tears running down my face from the humiliation and shame. This time…this time I had all the smiles in the world.

My vision blurred. No air. He was talking, and I thought what I was hearing was his voice, but it was so damn hard to hear anything through the building pounding pressure in my head, not to mention my poor, wild heart, which was in overdrive. “Hey! Breathe. Please breathe. Breathe, goddamn it!” my angry killer shouted, and I flinched. Warm hands cupped my cheeks, and he basically taught me how to breathe again as I sat crumpled on the floor. Eyes closed. Heart beating out of control. “You’re doing great. Just breathe. Yes, just like that. Easy. In, now out. In and out. Good. You’re doing great.”

“Well, I wasn’t expecting to welcome anyone.” I managed to squeak out the words after some time. I swallowed and lowered my voice. “Please don’t look at me.” That right arm tightened around my naked waist as he brought us to an upright position so I was no longer lying on him. Make no mistake, I was still plastered to his body, and I wasn’t thinking of letting him go anytime soon either. My poor heart thundering, our eyes met for a very brief second. One side of his mouth quirked up. “To be completely honest with you, I’m not sure if I can do that.”

That was what I was afraid of. “You’re not just dropping by, by any chance?” “I think I’m your new roommate,” he announced, getting to the point.

I sighed and rubbed my temple. “Sorry to crush your dreams, but I’m always here.” He smiled, not a big, easy one that did things to my heart, just a promise of one. “You’re not crushing my dreams.”

“You remember my name?” I asked, genuinely surprised. The smile came out again and his features visibly softened, now sincere, playful, and inviting. I forgot what I’d even asked. “Like I said back then, I had a feeling I’d get to see you again. I thought we’d get another shot. I didn’t think it’d take a year to get that shot…but here we are.”

“What do you mean by another shot?” “You know what I mean.” “Actually, I’m pretty sure I don’t.” “The kiss.”

Do you still have that boyfriend of yours?” Her response came out as a squeak. “What?” “You know, the boyfriend who prevented us from kissing that last time. Still seeing him?”

“That first night…” She groaned and let her head drop back on the couch. “You’re killing me.” I chuckled. “No, listen—just one question. I need to know.” I couldn’t identify the expression on her face, but I could tell saying anything about it was pretty much the last thing she wanted to do. I forged on anyway. “Did you cry?

I looked away, because she was off limits. Any girl was off limits, but Zoe Clarke was even more off limits. I was sticking with my decision to be distraction-free for my last year. It was the worst fucking timing to meet her.

“Flash.” She faced me but kept taking small steps backward. “Yes?” I tucked my hands in my front pockets. “This is the strangest thing, but I think you’re going to be my best friend, Zoe Clarke.”

Now that I was alone, I looked up at the ceiling and grinned. She had no idea what kind of trouble she was in with me.

“Let’s bet on a kiss,” I said, deciding to end her misery. “I think we’re gonna end up kissing one of these days, and I bet you’ll be the first one to beg for it.”

“What do you get out of this?” Even though I hadn’t thought that far ahead since kissing her would be a win all on its own, I realized I didn’t even have to think about it. “If I win, I get to have a second kiss…and a third one. After all, three seems to be the magic number with us.”

Zoe nodded, like it was decided. Then, suddenly, she had her fist extended between our bodies. I looked down at it. “What’s that?” “Hit it.” I arched an eyebrow. “Hit it?” “Yes. Come on, don’t leave me hanging. Buddies occasionally do fist bumps.” When I wasn’t fast enough because I was busy trying to figure out how she had come into my life out of nowhere and how I was going to survive her, she gave her little fist a shake and tilted her head, pointing at it with her eyes, urging me to…hit it. So, I fist-bumped my new friend and laughed all the way through it. What else could I have done?

Instead of answering, he opened a window to check out on the street. “Yeah, the whole block is down. It’s fine, Zoe. I—” “Actually, I’m not the biggest fan of—” “I think you should ease up on the movies.” “What?” Was that amusement I was hearing in his voice? “Are you smiling right now?” I asked incredulously. I heard a low chuckle, but before I could respond to it, the universe decided to wrap everything up with a little red bow. The room started spinning, and I glanced down at my feet in confusion. Was I getting dizzy? I wasn’t that scared of the dark. Then the building started shaking, and my horrified gaze flew to the shadow of my roommate. “Dylan,” I choked out in panic,

“It’s okay. It’ll pass.” Three seconds.

“Dylan,” I choked out again, this time louder and more urgently as I swayed forward. My feet were dying to run—to the door, to Dylan, anywhere, really—and take refuge, but at the same time, I couldn’t seem to move an inch. I wrapped my shaking arms tighter around myself. It would stop. I heard footsteps. I swear to God, if he runs away and leaves me behind, I will— Five seconds. Six seconds. The earthquake stopped at the exact moment I felt Dylan’s front at my back and his hand curled around my shoulder.

I waited a moment before I spoke again. “Scientists are expecting a mega-earthquake to hit California, right? The power is still out, and I feel like something bad is going to happen. What if this is it?” He hummed for a few seconds, and I could feel the vibrations through his body. “Do you have any regrets? Maybe someone you’d want to ask for a kiss before an untimely demise?” He surprised me enough that I tilted my head back to look up at him. Thanks to the new angle we were standing at, it was easier to make out his features in the dark, and I could definitely see the playful grin on his face.

before I could even process the butterflies in my stomach, he was pulling me toward the couch. “What are you doing?” “I’m dead on my feet, Zoe. I had a long day, and then the study session went longer than I expected, and I had to hit the weight room before I came here. I’m wiped out, so we need to sit.” Oh. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled as he sank into the couch with a heavy sigh and pulled me down next to him. “I should get up and look for a candle or something,” I mumbled and tugged my hand. Instead of letting me go as I expected him to, he turned my hand in his then threaded his fingers through mine, palm to palm. Sitting at a weird angle, I stared at our hands, not sure what was happening. He lifted them and placed the back of my hand on his thigh. I tensed. Dropping his head to the back of the couch, he scooted a little lower. “Stay. Let’s relax for a minute. Keep me company. The power will come back any minute now.”

“I think…it has something to do with you. I don’t act nearly this wacky around anyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I might come close, but not back to back, not like this.” “So what you’re saying is that I’m a special friend, huh?” I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and saw he was still looking at me. I gazed at his temple. I remained silent, and he finally turned his head away. “I like that,” he murmured in a low voice, and I thought it was safe to look again. His eyes were closed, so mine could roam every inch of his face to my heart’s content.

“Same. I was working before you came in, so maybe I should go back to that until the power comes back on and let you sleep—though I’ll have to wake you up if there’s another earthquake.” A low chuckle. “Oh yeah?” The rumble in his voice rendered me speechless. I closed my eyes and held back a moan. “Just giving you a fair warning, that’s all.” “Feel free to wake me up whenever you want. I won’t mind.” I wasn’t going to comment on that one. “Hey, Zoe?” he asked, his voice somewhere between husky and sleepy, heavier on the husky side. “Yeah?” I croaked, not sounding nearly as sexy as he did. I was still trying to recover from what his voice was doing to me. “Where is your boyfriend right now?” Oh. I stiffened and tried to pull my hand away from his, but I couldn’t break his hold. “Why are you asking?” “He’d know you’re scared of earthquakes, right? If he is your boyfriend, he knows. I just thought he’d call to see how you are by now. If my girlfriend was afraid of earthquakes, I’d be there for her.” “I told you it was complicated.”

Her eyes softened. “I won’t steal your money.” I smiled at her and didn’t think before speaking. “I know you won’t, baby.”

The grin I gave her was a little filthy, a little lazy. “You’re so fucking fascinating, Zoe Clarke.” What did I get for my compliment? A smack on the arm and an impressive growl.

“You ate it all? This is all you left me?” she asked slowly, big eyes staring down at the empty box. I raised an eyebrow. “I was really hungry. Didn’t you eat on your date, anyway?” I hadn’t meant to mention her date at all, but apparently I was still stuck on that. She scrunched up her nose and the appalled look on her face disappeared, leaving sad, sad eyes. “He couldn’t make it.” My brows drawing together, I checked my watch, just to make sure. “It’s a little past ten, Zoe—don’t tell me you waited for him for two hours.” She blew out her cheeks and dropped down on the couch behind her. “He said he might be late but would try to make it.” She gave me a half-hearted shrug as if to say it was okay, but her facial expressions were so easy to read. Anyone could see that it wasn’t okay. Worthless son of a bitch.

“God, the smell. This is not fair, you know,” she said quietly, her face still practically in the pizza. “I’m kind of angry at you, and you got me my absolute favorite thing.” I wouldn’t tell her I’d spent the last bit of cash I had on me so I could get us this treat. Whatever was left on my debit card after the grocery shopping she’d done for me was all the money I had until I could pick up some shifts at the bar,

“Zoe,” I said, my voice lower since we were now closer. “You’re rambling again. It’s too cute, and it’s completely okay if you think of your friend as hot. I think you’re hot, too.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Her berry scent was going to kill me from that close. That first night, when her towel did me a favor and unwound itself, she had smelled like berries, too, and since I was her roommate, I had the privilege—or perhaps the burden—of knowing that it was her body wash and not her shampoo. The smell always lingered after she took a shower, reaching to my room and distracting me to no end. I’d known from the very beginning that she couldn’t just be my friend, even if I’d let her think she could, and seeing her with another guy had just cemented that.

“You look beautiful,” I said honestly. “You always look beautiful, but tonight you look happier. I like your smile tonight. I always like it when you smile, Flash,” I said sincerely.

“Oh. Yeah, that’s late. Like you said, maybe another time. See you back at the apartment then?” “I’ll see you at home.” I liked it better when we called it home,

He rolled his head toward me and finally let me look into his eyes. Slowly, I released the breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding. He looked devastated. “What happened?” I whispered, angling my body toward him so I could put my hand on his arm. His gaze followed the movement, and I felt his muscles tighten under my touch. Thinking maybe it wasn’t a good idea, that he didn’t want me to touch him when he looked ready to bring down the building, I attempted to pull my hand back. But, the second I lifted it, he reached out and took his time lacing our fingers together. “Is this okay?” he asked, his eyes glued to our intertwined hands. “Am I allowed to do this?” I swallowed, hard. What was I supposed to say when he looked so devastated? No, actually, it’s not okay, Dylan, because my brain seems to short-circuit every time you get this close to me. I didn’t think so. “Is this what buddies do, Zoe?” he continued, his voice harder.

When I hesitated while following Miriam, she touched my arm. “You coming?” My eyes were glued to Dylan, who was sitting alone at one of the tables. Mark had already eaten and left, and I hadn’t seen Chris around after I’d taken a quick shot of him constructing a steak mountain on his plate. If there was ever a choice between Dylan and anyone else, I’d always go with my roommate. “No, you go on. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah. That’s how it goes with sports. You never know when you’ll be forced to tap out.”

one ACL read was all it took for me.

When Dylan looked over his shoulder toward the field, I looked that way too. A few of his teammates had already started to head for the locker rooms. “I should let you—” I stopped speaking when Dylan’s gloved hand—his huge gloved hand—cupped my cheek and gently tilted my face up. The world around me slowed down, and I stood still. I swear to you, I watched his eyes roam my face in slow motion. “I like having your eyes on me, Zoe.”

Forgetting myself, forgetting where we were, I whispered, “I like watching you.” His tongue peeked out and touched his lower lip. “I know.”

As the weeks passed in a blur, it was getting harder and harder to keep my hands and eyes off of Zoe. With everything going on with JP and his recovery, other than Chris, she was the only person I was interested in spending time with. As much as being friends with her had been a joke to me from that first day she’d jumped on me, very much naked after her towel failed her, she’d actually somehow ended up being exactly that. My buddy. My very own buddy…who I wanted to fuck senseless.

“Don’t ask me to let go, please. I can’t.” She quieted so I gave her middle a squeeze as a thank you and let out a long breath. Resting my forehead on her shoulder, I inhaled deeply. Slowly, as if she was afraid she’d startle me, she rested her temple against the side of my head, and something inside me unraveled, my blood boiling hot. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stay away anymore.

Turning around to face me, she looked up, straight into my eyes. “How did you know I was going to be here?” “I called Chris and got the phone number of the guy who dated Kayla’s friend back when I met her. Then a couple more calls and I got Kayla’s number. She didn’t tell you?” She bit her bottom lip and shook her head. Unable to stop myself, I reached up and cupped her cheek, saving her lip by pulling at it with my thumb. “I didn’t know where you were, so I had to wait an hour before coming here.”

THE EFFORT, A+

“I don’t think Kayla is okay. Something’s wrong, and I should get back to—” I grabbed her hand from behind since it had kept her from leaving the last time. I couldn’t let her go, not just yet. That little pocket of space was ours, providing shelter for us, for what I’d been craving for weeks, and I wasn’t ready or willing to let it go so quickly or easily. “Ten minutes,” I said. “Just ten more minutes to feel like this.” When I gave her hand a gentle tug, she didn’t argue or pull away. In two steps she was back in my arms and I was hugging her to my chest even harder. She didn’t seem to mind and I didn’t plan on letting go, not for at least another ten minutes.

“Choose me, Zoe.” The words rushed out of me before I could stop myself.