Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence

by Esther Perel

The caring, protective elements that nurture home life can go against the rebellious spirit of carnal love.

We glorify efficiency and fail to recognize that the erotic space is a radiant interlude in which we luxuriate, indifferent to demands of productivity; pleasure is the only goal.

The rawness of our desire can feel mean, bestial, even unloving. Eros can feel predatory, a voracious grab.

For many of us, premeditated sex is suspicious. It threatens our belief that sex is subject only to the machinations of magic and chemistry.

Modern relationships are cauldrons of contradictory longings: safety and excitement, grounding and transcendence, the comfort of love and the heat of passion. We want it all, and we want it with one person.