Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong

by Eric Barker

Extroverts are happier than introverts.

“The relationship between extraversion and happiness or subjective well-being (SWB) is one of the most consistently replicated and robust findings in the SWB literature.”

extroverts are even happier than introverts when alone, and one study showed that when introverts pretend to be e...

You see, the superpower of introverts is that they are far more likely to become experts in their field.

“Extraversion was negatively related to individual proficiency.”

The more extroverted you are, the worse you are at your job.

“A remarkably distinguishing feature is that a large proportion, 89 percent of these sports achievers, classed themselves as introverts . . . Only 6 percent of the sports achievers felt that they were extroverts and the remaining 5 percent felt that they were ‘middle of the road.’”

“Practice alone.”

“Serious study alone.”

In fact, among older tournament-ranked players, it was the only statistically...

Whether an introvert or an extrovert is the better leader depends on whom they are leading.

Extroverts’ weakness in listening skills become apparent after they assume a leadership role and they often lose status among coworkers in team situations.

ambiverts make the best salespeople.

“Read each situation more carefully and ask yourself, ‘What do I need to do right now to be most happy or successful?’”

When we collaborate—including in healthy rivalries—the gains can be exponential. But when we don’t communicate, we can end up not only missing those benefits but also getting our efforts “jammed” by our friends.

when we try to meet someone just to get something from them, it makes us feel immoral. The people who feel least sleazy about networking are powerful people. But those who need to network the most—the least powerful—are the most likely to feel bad about it.

It’s a skill you already know. Make friends.

Networking is about a personal relationship.

Guess what? Your brain doesn’t.

Good ol’ Homo sapiens have been so successful because we’ve extended the definition of family by using mutually agreed upon stories. Families are not merely blood relatives.

The truth is, we often underestimate by as much as 50 percent how much others are willing to help us when asked.

Remember, the rule of thumb is simple when making friends: be socially optimistic.

Research shows you like names better when they are similar to yours. You prefer brands that merely share your initials. Birthdays are easier to remember when they are closer to yours. You even prefer people who move the way you do. Why do news anchors and actors need to be so good looking? Because we assume attractive people are more similar to us. (We’re such narcissists, ain’t we?)

Even similarity of stuff you don’t like helps you bond with others.

Research shows that shared complaints make us feel ...

your brain gets more pleasure from you talking about yourself than it does from food or money.

asking people questions about themselves can create a bond as strong as a lifelong friendship in a surprisingly short amount of time.

“seek someone else’s thoughts and opinions without judging them.”

Stop thinking about what you’re going to say next and focus on what they’re saying right now.

Don’t be afraid to pay the person a sincere compliment. Research shows we like compliments more than sex or money. What is key here, according to influence expert Robert Cialdini, is the sincere part.

Research shows that those dormant friendships can actually be bigger boosters to your career than any new connections you make.

80/20 rule of sorts in networking. You probably met the vast majority of your friends through a handful of “superfriends”—the

Reaching out to these “superfriends” and saying, “Whom do you know that I should meet?” will produce disproportionate results.

top networkers pre-committed a certain amount of time and money to their networking goal so that when opportunities came up they didn’t hesitate.

Making time is the most fundamental way to show someone is important to you and that you care. So allocate an amount in advance

It was just joining a group that consisted of the type of people they wanted to become.

“The groups you associate with often determine the type of person you become. For people who want improved health, association with other healthy people is usually the strongest and most direct path of change.”

people who live the longest aren’t the ones who get the most help; they’re the ones who give the most help.)

studies show they’re only effective at building distrust.

how the team members feel about one another.

the people who sat at the larger tables had substantially higher performance.”

“Those who bridge relatively disconnected pockets of a network are promoted earlier and are more mobile in their careers because they hear about opportunities before others do . . . Having an epiphany is no big deal unless you can motivate others to believe in it and act on it.”

Opting out of the social dynamics of the company. Saying

the workers least likely to develop workplace friendships were also the least likely to get promoted.

When workers have at least one close talented friend at a company their effort and productivity go up 10 percent.

there ain’t no two ways about it; you’re gonna need a mentor:

It’s better to let others make those mistakes and you can learn from them.

Mentors make learning fun. They add a relationship to the stress and help you overcome the frustration while pushing you to be your best. Adam Grant says mentors can be what leads you down the path to grit and deliberate practice:

It’s having a coach or teacher who really makes something exciting to be involved in that leads you to often put in the practice necessary to become an expert at it.

Not only should you care about your mentors; the mentors who really make you succeed need to care about you.