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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Eric Barker
Read between
August 25 - October 25, 2020
Remember, all the big winners were nice and all the big losers started off betraying.
RECIPROCATE BOTH COOPERATION AND DEFECTION
Never betray anyone i...
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In the tournament, picking fights resulted in low scores, but retalia...
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DON’T BE TOO...
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came at the cost of a good reputation.
It’s that simple. Getting too clever muddies the waters, and the other person can quickly become very skeptical of you.
Now, in zero-sum games like chess you want your intentions to be unclear, but in the iterated Prisoner’s Dilemma, it’s the exact opposite.
RULE 1: PICK THE RIGHT POND
When you take a job take a long look at the people you’re going to be working with—because the odds are you’re going to become like them; they are not going to become like you. You can’t change them. If it doesn’t fit who you are, it’s not going to work.
people who surround us often determine who we become. When we see others around us perform altruistic acts, we’re more likely to act altruistically ourselves.
Connecting with other Givers was what allowed for the incredible success of the “nice” programs in Axelrod’s tournament.
It only took 5 percent of interactions between “nice” programs for good to get the edge over bad.
Kissing your boss’s ass isn’t immoral or unsavory if the boss is someone you actually respect.
Studies show that your boss has a much larger effect on your happiness and success than the company at large.
RULE 2: COOPERATE FIRST
being the first to offer help is key to engendering a feeling of reciprocity, which is one of the cornerstones of persuasion and ingratiation.
“They need to like you.”
tells other Givers you’re a Giver and can earn you the protection of Matchers.
RULE 3: BEING SELFLESS ISN’T SAINTLY, IT’S SILLY
If its opponent always cooperates, no matter what, it exploits that opponent.
So if you’re not a total saint, it’s okay; being a saint is actually a very poor strategy for getting ahead. (Don’t you feel better now?)
It turns out that the best way to punish Takers in the workplace is good old-fashioned gossip.
RULE 4: WORK HARD—BUT MAKE SURE IT GETS NOTICED
aren’t afraid to push a little.
They self-promote.
They nego...
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They make themselves...
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Hard work doesn’t pay off if your boss doesn’t know whom to reward for it.
RULE 5: THINK LONG TERM AND MAKE OTHERS THINK LONG TERM
bad behavior is strong in the short term but good behavior wins over in the long term.
to the best of your ability, make things longer term.
The more things seem like a one-off, the more incentive people have to...
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“enlarging the shadow of the future.”
“[People are] always trying to discern two things: whether a potential partner can be trusted and whether he or she is likely to be encountered again. Answers to those two questions, far beyond anything else, will determine what any of us will be motivated to do in the moment.”
RULE 6: FORGIVE
You’re not perfect, others aren’t perfect, and sometime people get confused.
despite their lack of impressiveness in academics, when interviewed, millionaires disproportionately say their teachers in school complimented them on being the “most dependable.” They had grit.
Creative individuals frame their experiences. Such people are highly ambitious, and they do not always succeed, by any means. But when they fail, they do not waste much time lamenting; blaming; or, at the extreme, quitting. Instead, regarding the failure as a learning experience, they try to build upon its lessons in their future endeavors.
kids with grit are happier, physically healthier, and more popular with their peers.
“The capacity to continue trying despite repeated setbacks was associated with a more optimistic outlook on life in 31 percent of people studied, and with greater life satisfaction in 42 percent of them.”
we all think we know where grit comes from—and,
we’re wrong.
sometimes quitting is the smartest choice.
giving up, when done right, can make you a huge success too.
When the Navy started teaching BUD/S applicants to speak to themselves positively, combined with other mental tools, BUD/S passing rates increased nearly ten percent.
Getting through BUD/S is a lot of physical hardship, but quitting is mental.
research shows that salespeople can be hired based on optimism alone.
“agents who scored in the top 10 percent [of optimism] sold 88 percent more than the most pessimistic tenth.”
But in difficult but not impossible situations, when persistence is called for, pessimism kills grit.
