Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong

by Eric Barker

There was little debate that high school success predicted college success. Nearly 90 percent are now in professional careers with 40 percent in the highest tier jobs. They are reliable, consistent, and well-adjusted, and by all measures the majority have good lives. But how many of these number-one high school performers go on to change the world, run the world, or impress the world? The answer seems to be clear: zero.

So why are the number ones in high school so rarely the number ones in real life? There are two reasons. First, schools reward students who consistently do what they are told. Academic grades correlate only loosely with intelligence (standardized tests are better at measuring IQ). Grades are, however, an excellent predictor of self-discipline, conscientiousness, and the ability to comply with rules. In an interview, Arnold said, “Essentially, we are rewarding conformity and the willingness to go along with the system.”

The second reason is that schools reward being a generalist. There is little recognition of student passion or expertise. The real world, however, does the reverse. Arnold, talking about the valedictorians, said, “They’re extremely well rounded and successful, personally and professionally, but they’ve never been devoted to a single area in which they put all their passion. That is not usually a recipe for eminence.”

Shawn Achor’s research at Harvard shows that college grades aren’t any more predictive of subsequent life success than rolling dice. A study of over seven hundred American millionaires showed their average college GPA was 2.9.

“That is a hallmark of a true eccentric—not thinking you’re all that eccentric, even when your every thought, word, and deed seems to set you apart from the rest of the world.”

The same genes that lead to bad stuff can actually lead to great stuff in a different situation. The same knife that can be used to viciously stab someone can also prepare food for your family. Whether the knife is good or bad depends on context.

Too often we label things “good” or “bad” when the right designation might merely be “different.”

To be great we must be different. And that doesn’t come from trying to follow society’s vision of what is best, because society doesn’t always know what it needs. More often being the best means just being the best version of you. As John Stuart Mill remarked, “That so few now dare to be eccentric, marks the chief danger of our time.”

The same traits that make people a nightmare to deal with can also make them the people who change the world.

While the valedictorian treats school as a job, working hard to get A’s and follow the rules, the obsessed creative succeeds by bearing down on his or her passion projects with a religious zeal.

Fifty-eight members of the Forbes 400 either avoided college or ditched it partway through. These fifty-eight—almost 15 percent of the total—have an average net worth of $4.8 billion. This is 167 percent greater than the average net worth of the four hundred, which is $1.8 billion.

Many people struggle with this. They aren’t sure what their strengths are. Drucker offers a helpful definition: “What are you good at that consistently produces desired results?”

Modern positive psychology research has shown again and again that one of the keys to happiness is emphasizing what are called “signature strengths.” Research by Gallup shows that the more hours per day you spend doing what you’re good at, the less stressed you feel and the more you laugh, smile, and feel you’re being treated with respect.

know thyself and pick the right pond. Identify your strengths and pick the right place to apply them.

According to Stanford Graduate School of Business professor Jeffrey Pfeffer, managing what your boss thinks of you is far more important than actual hard work.

The lesson from cases of people both keeping and losing their jobs is that as long as you keep your boss or bosses happy, performance really does not matter that much and, by contrast, if you upset them, performance won’t save you.

Why do jerks succeed? Sure, some of it’s duplicity and evil, but there’s something we can learn from them in good conscience: they’re assertive about what they want, and they’re not afraid to let others know about what they’ve achieved.

Research agrees: bad behavior is infectious. It spreads. Soon you won’t be the only one scheming. Research by Dan Ariely of Duke University shows that seeing others cheat and get away with it increases cheating across the board. We start to see cheating as an acceptable social norm.

Studies show expecting others to be untrustworthy creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. You assume they’ll behave badly, so you stop trusting, which means you withhold effort and create a downward spiral.

What quality do people, when surveyed across a number of arenas—work, athletic teams, family members—say they desire most in others? Trustworthiness.

Gangs aren’t coalitions dedicated to chaos, led by a nefarious Bond villain. In fact, the data show that street gangs don’t create crime. It’s the exact opposite: crime creates street gangs. Similarly, the majority of successful prison gangs on record were created not as a way to further evil but as a way to provide protection to their members while incarcerated.

Much like prison gangs, pirates weren’t originally unified to do evil. In fact, one could easily argue they were a response to evil. Mercantile ship owners of the period were despotic. Captains routinely abused their authority. They could take any crewman’s share of confiscated loot or have him executed. As a response to this predation, and a desire to sail the seas and not worry about being abused by the “management,” the life of the pirate was born.

While a number of data points show how jerks get promoted or are financially rewarded, they aren’t necessarily any more thrilled with their lives. But research has found that ethical people are happier. People less tolerant of unethical behavior had a higher well-being than those who were okay with a big dose of cheating. The boost was equivalent to the happiness increase one would get from a small increase in income, getting hitched, and going to church regularly.

Studies show spending money on others makes us happier than spending it on ourselves. Volunteering even just two hours a week predicts increases in life satisfaction. Even more surprising, those who donate their time to help others feel less busy and like they have more free time.

Research by Sonja Lyubomirsky shows that people are happier and less stressed when they “chunk” their efforts to help others versus a relentless “sprinkling.”

The longer the time we anticipate we’ll be dealing with someone, the better the behavior we can expect.

When you take a job take a long look at the people you’re going to be working with—because the odds are you’re going to become like them; they are not going to become like you. You can’t change them. If it doesn’t fit who you are, it’s not going to work.

The Terman Study, which followed over a thousand people from youth to death, came to the conclusion that the people who surround us often determine who we become. When we see others around us perform altruistic acts, we’re more likely to act altruistically ourselves.

Studies show that your boss has a much larger effect on your happiness and success than the company at large.

Robert Cialdini says that being the first to offer help is key to engendering a feeling of reciprocity, which is one of the cornerstones of persuasion and ingratiation.

if you’re not a total saint, it’s okay; being a saint is actually a very poor strategy for getting ahead.

It turns out that the best way to punish Takers in the workplace is good old-fashioned gossip. Warning others about Takers will make you feel better and can help police bad behavior.

What lessons can you take from the jerks without becoming a jerk? A common trend through the research was that jerks aren’t afraid to push a little. They self-promote. They negotiate. They make themselves visible. This can be done without being a jerk. Maybe you won’t gain everything the jerks get, but you can benefit from putting yourself out there—and without losing your soul. You do need to be visible. Your boss does need to like you. This is not proof of a heartless world; it’s just human nature. Hard work doesn’t pay off if your boss doesn’t know whom to reward for it. Would you expect a great product to sell with zero marketing? Probably not.

when asked to make predictions, depressed people are more accurate than optimists. It’s called “depressive realism.” The world can be a harsh place. Optimists lie to themselves. But if we all stop believing anything can change, nothing ever will. We need a bit of fantasy to keep us going.

When we step outside the wish for comfort, when we live for something greater than ourselves, we no longer have to fight the pain; we accept the pain as a sacrifice. Frankl said, “What is to give light must endure burning.”

Rationally, gaining a dollar should be as pleasurable as losing a dollar is painful. But that’s not how our minds work. Losing a dollar bothers us a lot more than earning a dollar makes us feel good. It makes sense; losing too much can mean death but gaining a lot . . . well, it’s nice but quickly results in diminishing returns. So evolution has wired us to fear losses a lot more than we love gains.

Meaning, for the human mind, comes in the form of the stories we tell ourselves about the world. This is why so many people believe in fate or say things were “meant to be.” Having a story about the meaning of life helps us to cope with hard times. Not only do we naturally see the world this way, but frankly we can’t not tell stories. If I asked you how your day was or how you met your spouse, what would you tell me? A story. What’s your résumé? A story. You even tell stories when you sleep: dreams. And research shows you have about two thousand daydreams every day, telling yourself little stories about this or that. For nearly every area of your life, like career or relationships, you have a story you tell yourself about it. But rarely are these consciously or deliberately constructed.

What’s the best predictor of your child’s emotional well-being? It’s not great schools, hugs, or Pixar movies. Researchers at Emory University found that whether a kid knew their family history was the number-one indicator.

UCLA film school professor Howard Suber describes movies as “sacred dramas for a secular society.”

Optimists told themselves a story that may not have been true, but it kept them going, often allowing them to beat the odds. Psychologist Shelley Taylor says that “a healthy mind tells itself flattering lies.” The pessimists were more accurate and realistic, and they ended up depressed. The truth can hurt.

in many cultures death is a part of life and has a place of respect or even its own holiday. Mexico has Dia de los Muertos. Christianity has All Saints’ Day. Japan has Sorei. Indians engage in Shraaddha. And on and on.

Picture your funeral. The people who loved you have all gathered to pay their respects. They’re going to praise the qualities that made you so special, that they will miss the most. What do you want them to say? Taking the time to think about that can help you find your eulogy values, which will guide your decisions.

It sounds morbid, but people who contemplate the end actually behave in healthier ways—and therefore may actually live longer. It also has been shown to increase self-esteem.

A lot of psychological research shows that instead of behavior following our beliefs, often our beliefs come from our behaviors. As the old saw goes, “Actions speak louder than words.” Wilson calls it the “do good, be good” method. When people do volunteer work, their self-perception changes. They begin to see themselves as the kind of people who do good things for others.

Research shows that a feeling of control kills stress. Even when you just feel you have control, stress plummets. On the other hand, the office often feels like a game that’s not winnable. You don’t feel you have control. You don’t feel like what you do makes much of a difference. Who wants to play that game?

The workplace wants you to be good at your job, and that makes sense, but that’s like a game you’re too good at. It’s dull. Good games have that 80 percent failure rate to inspire you to keep working, but the office doesn’t like failure. Zero failure means zero fun. And there’s so much busy work that offers no challenge at all. How is that engaging?

Research shows we often don’t do what makes us happiest; we do what’s easy.

Adam Grant (who you met in chapter 2) found a simple way to powerfully energize workers at a university call center. He brought in a student whose scholarship had been granted due to their efforts. The student told them how much their work meant and how grateful he was. The workers got feedback. They saw what they were doing was meaningful. The result? The amount of money they brought in after the visit quintupled.

Good games keep you going by giving frequent, immediate feedback. But what about your job? You get a review annually.

If you were the boss, and an employee regularly said, “How can I make your life easier?” what would your reaction be? Exactly.