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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Eric Barker
emphasizing what are called “signature strengths.” Research by Gallup shows that the more hours per day you spend doing what you’re good at, the less stressed you feel and the more you laugh, smile, and feel you’re being treated with respect.
You’ve got to pick the environments that work for you . .
Ask yourself, Which companies, institutions, and situations value what I do?
When you choose your pond wisely, you can best leverage your type, your signature strengths, and your context to create tremendous value. This is what makes for a great career, but such self-knowledge can create value wherever you choose to apply it.
their expertise. So they decided to donate efficiency.
they’re assertive about what they want, and they’re not afraid to let others know about what they’ve achieved.
Givers at the top of success metrics.
People less tolerant of unethical behavior had a higher well-being than those who were okay with a big dose of cheating.
That two-hours-a-week volunteering? Don’t do more.
When Givers are surrounded by a coterie of Matchers, they don’t have to fear exploitation as much.
This may seem a bit confusing. In the short term, being a jerk has benefits but eventually poisons the well since others become jerks around you. In the long term, being
a Giver pays off big, though you risk exhausting yourself helping others. In the war between good and evil, is there a clear winner? Is there a clear way to behave that will let you get ahead and...
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all the big winners were nice and all the big losers started off betraying.
But if a person cheats you, don’t be a martyr.
but retaliating increased scores.
RULE 1: PICK THE RIGHT POND
When you take a job take a long look at the people you’re going to be working with—because the odds are you’re going to become like them; they are not going to become like you. You can’t change them. If it doesn’t fit who you are, it’s not going to work.
Studies show that your boss has a much larger effect on your happiness and success than the company at large.
RULE 2: COOPERATE FIRST
Go ahead and send that new inmate a gift basket. When the knives come out in the prison yard you’ll have a lot more people watching your back.
RULE 3: BEING SELFLESS ISN’T SAINTLY, IT’S SILLY
is the secret to success. Often they’re right. Grit is one of the key reasons why we see such differing levels of achievement between people of the same intelligence and talent levels.
“The capacity to continue trying despite repeated setbacks was associated with a more optimistic outlook on life in 31 percent of people studied, and with greater life satisfaction in 42 percent of them.”
“positive self-talk.”
Getting through BUD/S is a lot of physical hardship, but quitting is mental.
They thought every failure was an anomaly and they kept going.
“I’m not cut out for this” or “I’ve never been any good at these things.” Others say “I just need to keep working at it” or “I just need better tips on form.”
“depression is pessimism writ large.”
Optimists lie to themselves.
happy with it. Optimists are luckier. Studies show by thinking positive they persevere and end up creating more opportunities for themselves.
research showed this attitude isn’t genetic; it all comes from the stories you tell yourself about the world. And that’s something you can change.
“explanatory style,”
will last a long time, or forever
are universal
are their own fault
are temporary (That happens occasionally,
a specific cause and aren’t universal
not their fault (I’m good at this, but today wasn’t my lucky day).
that in the most awful place on Earth, the people who kept going despite the horrors were the ones who had meaning in their lives:
A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the “why” for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any “how.”
we no longer have to fight the pain; we accept the pain as a sacrifice. Frankl said, “What is to give light must endure burning.”
Researcher John Gottman realized that just hearing how the couple told the tale of their relationship together predicted with 94 percent accuracy whether or not they’d get divorced.
whether a kid knew their family history was the number-one indicator.
it’s the result of chasing the good and writing our own future.
It might be time to play screenwriter and take another pass at the script that is your life.
We cannot help but tell stories. But which story are you telling yourself? And is it one that will get you where you want to go?
Roughly four times out of five, gamers don’t complete the mission, run out of time, don’t solve the puzzle, lose the fight, fail to improve their score, crash and burn, or die. Which makes you wonder: do gamers actually enjoy failing? As it turns out, yes . . . When we’re playing a well-designed game, failure doesn’t disappoint us. It makes us happy in a very particular way: excited, interested, and most of all optimistic.
We crave ease, but stimulation is what really makes us happy. We try to subtract at work, do less, check out. These are signs of burnout. We don’t need to subtract; we need to add novel challenges to create engagement.
You can’t get what you want until you take the time to decide what you want.
Research shows that the most motivating thing is progress in meaningful work.
