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by
Eric Barker
That’s grit. Whether it’s optimism, meaning, or a simple game, the story in your head is always the answer to perseverance. Yet before we close the case on grit, we need to look at the other side of the coin.
“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”
“Quit” doesn’t have to be the opposite of “grit.” This is where “strategic quitting” comes in. Once you’ve found something you’re passionate about, quitting secondary things can be an advantage, because it frees up time to do that number-one thing. Whenever you wish you had more time, more money, etc., strategic quitting is the answer. And if you’re very busy, this may be the only answer.
but the irony is by not quitting unproductive things ASAP we are missing the opportunity to do more of what matters or try more things that might.
We’re consistently conservative about predicting how much extra cash we’ll have in our wallets, but when it comes to time, we always think there will be more tomorrow. Or next week. Or next year.
But it all starts to click once you realize how many other activities successful people are discarding in order to free up more time for improvement.
Know your number-one priority. Then start quitting stuff that isn’t as important and see what happens. You’ll learn really fast if something really is more essential than you thought.
“I know plenty of people for whom grit is a liability because it allows them to stick with something that makes them or others miserable and towards no long-term good aim. The alternative of which is the thing that you would most like to do that would bring you the most joy and might bring other people the most joy or be the most productive.”
Fail fast and fail cheap.
Peter Sims says, “Most successful entrepreneurs don’t begin with brilliant ideas—they discover them . . . They do things to discover what they should do.”
Try things. Quit what fails. Then apply grit.
“The harder I work, the luckier I get.”
“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”
Fail fast, fail cheap.
The introvert side is pretty straightforward: put in the hours.
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”
Don’t scream heresy just yet. Plenty of research shows that looking through the lens of self-esteem might be the real reason the debate over confidence is so fraught with grief. But what’s the alternative to self-confidence? University of Texas professor Kristin Neff says it’s “self-compassion.” Compassion for yourself when you fail means you don’t need to be a delusional jerk to succeed and you don’t have to feel incompetent to improve. You get off the yo-yo experience of absurd expectations and beating yourself up when you don’t meet them. You stop lying to yourself that you’re so awesome.
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Forgiving yourself is also easier than maintaining self-confidence.
“Who is the only person in your life who is available 24/7 to provide you with care and kindness? You.”
You also want to accept your humanity. You are fallible.
BELIEVING IN YOURSELF IS NICE. FORGIVING YOURSELF IS BETTER.
So be self-compassionate. It’s got all the upsides of confidence without the downsides.
the surest path is to become really good at what you do.
“It is not always the people who start out the smartest who end up the smartest.”
“The only place where success comes before work is a dictionary.”
important to you and (b) something you’re good at.
serious illness or getting divorced.
losing your job.
happiness levels do not fully recover even after you get a new job. Being out of work can leave a...
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Those effects weren’t due to aging but because people stop being active and engaged.
having a job you dislike can be even worse than unemployment.
“The people who survive stress the best are the ones who actually increase their social investments in the middle of stress,
Turns out that social connection is the greatest predictor of happiness we have when I run them in my studies.”
not having had the courage to live the life you wanted and instead lived the life others prescribed.
But a chooser “is thoughtful enough to conclude that perhaps none of the available alternatives are satisfactory, and that if he or she wants the right alternative, he or she may have to create it.”
HAPPINESS: having feelings of pleasure or contentment in and about your life
ACHIEVEMENT: achieving accomplishments that compare favorably against similar goals others have strived for
SIGNIFICANCE: having a positive impact on people you care about
LEGACY: establishing your values or accomplishments in ways that help others find future success
What’s the most important thing to remember when it comes to success? One word: alignment. Success is not the result of any single quality; it’s about alignment between who you are and where you choose to be. The right skill in the right role. A good person surrounded by other good people. A story that connects you with the world in a way that keeps you going. A network that helps you, and a job that leverages your natural introversion or extroversion. A level of confidence that keeps you going while learning and forgiving yourself for the inevitable failures. A balance between the big four
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When you align your values with the employment of your signature skills in a context that reinforces these same strengths, you create a powerful and emotionally engaging force for achievement, significance, happiness, and legacy. When your internal choice of success goals aligns with the group in which you operate, the rewards are even higher.
What’s the most important type of alignment? Being connected to a group of friends and loved ones who help you become the person you want to be. Financial success is great, but to have a successful life we need happiness. Career success doesn’t always make us happy, but the research shows that happiness does bring success.
Your relationships are what bring you happiness.
