Fake Out (Fake Boyfriend, #1)

by Eden Finley

“You do like baseball, right?” Damon looks at me as if I’m about to slaughter a unicorn. “I’m more of a football kind of guy.” He checks his watch. “Three hours and this fake relationship is already over.”

Fuck, he’s good-looking when he smiles. So much so, I’m wondering if my family will call bullshit on our little act. Clearly, if I was with Damon for real, I’d be punching above my weight. “Hi, Mrs. O’Shay. It’s nice to meet you.” He holds out his hand.

He takes off his cap and bows. Ah, so he’s got dark hair. Dark hair and green eyes—probably something I should know about my boyfriend. It’s the complete opposite to his sister’s blonde locks.

It’s funny, the day I told Chastity I was gay was the same day my parents “found out.” Chastity wasted no time playing the martyr and victim over being used as a beard for three years.

It’s easy to see why Maddox gets along with my sister. They’re both easygoing, sarcastic … and full of themselves.

At one in the morning, my feet don’t want to cooperate as we stumble into Maddox’s parents’ house. We’re both tipsy, but he seems more in control of his motor functions than I am. Maddox bought me round after round, trying to prove that makes him a good guy. Don’t know how it worked, but it did. That guy is awesome. And hot.

He’s straight. He’s straight. He’s straight. He hates baseball. He hates baseball. He hates baseball.

“Well, I assume you’re here to buy a gift for Chastity’s wedding. There’s only a few items left on her registry.” “We’ll take the cheapest one,” I say, and Damon snorts. “Of course,” Mrs. Jones says with a smile. She reaches for the shelf above her and pulls down glass salt and pepper shakers that are accentuated with gold around the edges. “I’ll wrap these up for you.” While she does that, Damon leans in and whispers, “Who the fuck needs glass salt and pepper shakers? Is your ex-girlfriend royalty or something?” “She wishes,” Mrs. Jones mutters, and I can’t help laughing.

I turn to my pretend boyfriend who has obviously been keeping a huge secret from me. “So, Simba—” “Fuck me,” Damon mumbles. “You didn’t tell me you were famous.” “Because I knew you’d call me fucking Simba.”

My eyes go to his mouth again, but when Damon’s brow drops, he catches me in his confused gaze. “Maddox—” I don’t know I’m moving closer until my mouth meets his, and I swallow his gasp. My name on his lips breaks the fraying cord attached to my denial. And when he kisses me back? I’m completely lost.

“First off, heteroflexible is a term someone uses when they don’t want to admit they’re bi. If you’re sexually attracted to both males and females, even if you’ll only have relationships with one gender, congratulations, you’re still bi. Pretty simple philosophy. But do you know a lot of straight guys who’ll willingly give blowjobs for nothing in return? Your man is gay.” Maddox’s mouth drops open but nothing comes out. “Sorry if that bursts some kind of bubble you were living in.” “Well, fuck.”

“What, you want me to throw you a pride parade for figuring out you like dudes? I don’t give a shit who you fuck, so long as it’s not me.”

“Your brother is ignoring me,” I say. It’s only been two weeks and a couple of texts, but still. I told myself not to bring it up too, and look at that, she’s been in my apartment for three whole seconds. Yay, willpower.

“Want me to come with you?” “No,” I snap. “I mean … no offense. I don’t … uh … it’s a guy thing.” “That’s sexist.” I step forward and kiss her forehead. “I’m not going to dignify that with a response.” “And now you’re being condescending.” “For fuck’s sake, woman, have some tequila.”

I’m waiting for the memory of you kissing me to go away so I’m not tempted to do it again.”

“I’m not into the whole inexperienced guy in the bedroom thing. But I know a heap of guys who’ll jump at the chance to help you out.” My feet shuffle toward the door, walking backward. “I’ll, uh, text you. I’m catching up with the guys next weekend.” Maddox puts his hands in his pockets. “Yeah … uh, sounds good.” I mentally check off a list of all my friends who would be into Maddox. And then I make a note not to invite them next weekend. Because even though I can’t be his experiment, I don’t want them to go for him either. Asshole level achieved: expert.

“You found a way to make Damon apologize?” he asks. Why, yes, I put my cock in his mouth. “Uh …” “You might have to tell me your tricks, because he’s a stubborn son of a bitch usually.” Yeah, I won’t be telling Noah to do it my way.

“I’m not exactly against … err, ass stuff, as you call it. Best feeling ever is a finger up there while getting a blowjob.” A throat clears, and Damon can’t contain his amusement as his eyes lock on someone behind me. He tries to hide his smile by rubbing his jaw. I turn to face my neighbor—my elderly neighbor. “Hey, Mrs. Jacobs.” Mortification doesn’t begin to describe this moment.

Maddox says. “I didn’t realize Dad had blabbed. When I took Damon home with me, we were just friends. Now we’re …” My eyes widen. What are we? He says he wants to date me, sure, but it’s too early for the boyfriend title. One night together doesn’t make a relationship. “More than friends,” he finishes. I can live with that.

Besides, choosing between staying with a woman I hardly know who I happen to share DNA with or sharing a bed with a really hot guy while I continue to explore my newfound love of sucking cock, it’s really no contest.” A laugh-slash-shocked noise comes from beside us, and we turn to meet the waitress’s amused, if not slightly taken off guard, stare. “For fuck’s sake,” Maddox hisses under his breath. “I’ll get this,” I say. I throw a credit card in the check holder and hand it to the waitress. When she disappears, I laugh. “Seriously, babe. Maybe you should scan your surroundings before talking dirty.”

“But when they affect your ability to have a relationship—” “Does it look like it’s affecting us?” I wrap my arm around Maddox. “It did in the beginning,” she states. “How much did you tell her?” I whisper in his ear. “Stace. Drop it, okay?” Maddox says.

“Now, am I going to have to remind you that you will be around other humans tonight, and Wyatt lives in a one-bedroom apartment, so most likely, someone will be listening at all times?” “Are you implying I’m not able to keep my mouth shut about your sex injury from dicking me out—” I sigh when Wyatt laughs. Of course, he had to open the door in the middle of Maddox’s sentence. “Yo, Noah,” Wyatt calls out down the hall to his ground-floor apartment. “You owe me twenty bucks.” Maddox’s cheeks pinken. “I’m never speaking again.”

“All right. You’ve had enough sleep now,” Mom says. “Sleep? It feels like I haven’t slept at all.” “Time to milk the cows.” I throw my pillow over my face. “We don’t have cows. We don’t live on a farm.” “With the way you talk about how country we are, I get confused sometimes.” “Mom,” I whine.

“Because I love you.” A breath gets caught in Damon’s throat. “Your door blabbed, didn’t it?” “Huh?” “Can we state for the record that I told you I loved you first? It just happens that I told your door instead of you.” “You told my door you love me?” “I fell in love with you weeks ago but didn’t want to scare you off.”

“Well then, maybe you’re a dickhead.” He smirks. “Are you picking a fight right now so I can fuck you again?” “Is it working? Assface?” “Honestly? I don’t know if I can get it up again. You’ve fucked me dry.” Maddox sighs. “Fine. I’ll order us some refueling food, and then I’ll call you names until you can’t take it anymore.” “You’re the perfect man.” “Thanks, Dik.”

“That should be a tourism slogan. It’d work for anywhere. ‘Come to West Shittyville, Ohio. There’s nothin’ to do, but at least it ain’t Canada.”

What is with the canada hate in this book

I’ll do some recon for you with all of Tommy’s teammates and see if anyone else needs a new agent.” “If you keep finding me clients, I may have to hire you as my assistant.” I shake my head. “Bad idea. We’d never get any work done.” “True. I love you, Maddy.”

I kiss him again. “You remember when we first met and I told you I felt like I don’t belong?” Damon nods. “I found it—where I’m supposed to be. It’s with you.”

Sarcasm is great. You can say anything and pretend you’re joking. People think I’m hilarious when in reality I’m just an asshole.”