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Boundaries
Maybe you find yourself readily taking responsibility for others feelings and problems.
At least I’ve helped make her lonely day a little brighter. Then a pesky voice piped up. If you helped so much, why was she still talking about her loneliness when she left?
Basically, you can’t change anybody
If all my listening, consoling, and advice had made any difference over the years, maybe it would be worth it. But Lois makes the same mistakes now that she made twenty years ago. Why do I do this to
If all my listening, consoling, and advice had made any difference over the years, maybe it would be worth it. But Lois makes the same mistakes now that she made twenty years ago. Why do I do this to myself?
Dependable . . . faithful . . . reliable,
Dependable . . . faithful . . . reliable, Sherrie thought. I’ve always been described this way by people who wanted something from me. Sounds like a description of a good mule.
many clinical psychological symptoms, such as depression, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, addictions, impulsive disorders, guilt problems, shame issues, panic disorders, and marital and relational struggles, find their roots in conflicts with boundaries.
In reality, these boundaries define your soul, and they help you to guard it and maintain it
We are not, for example, responsible for other people.
Boundaries help us to distinguish our property so that we can take care of it. They help us to guard our heart “with all diligence”
We need to keep things that will nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside. In short, boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. They guard our treasures (Matt. 6:19–20) so that people will not steal them. They keep the pearls inside and the pigs outside
fences that were strong enough to keep the bad out and gates in those fences to let out the bad already in her soul
People with poor boundaries struggle with saying no to the control, pressure, demands, and sometimes the real needs of others. They feel that if they say no to someone, they will endanger their relationship with that person, so they passively comply but inwardly resent. Sometimes a person is pressuring you to do something; other times the pressure comes from your own sense of what you “should” do. If you cannot say no to this external or internal pressure, you have lost control of your property and are not enjoying the fruit of “self-control.” Your words also define your property for others as
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NO
People who have never questioned their attitudes and beliefs can fall prey to the dynamic that Jesus referred to when he described people holding on to “human traditions,” instead of the commands of God
We have our own thoughts, and if we want others to know them, we must tell them.
POSITIONING
If we are wanting something to feed our pride or to enhance our ego, it’s doubtful that God is interested in giving it to us. But if it would be good for us, he’s very interested.
At first glance, it seems as if the individual who has difficulty setting limits is the one who has the boundary problem; however, people who don’t respect others’ limits also have boundary problems. The woman above may have difficulty setting limits, but, in addition, her husband hasn’t respected her limits.
boundary conflicts are by no means limited to those who “can’t say no.”
Anger is a friend. It was created by God for a purpose: to tell us that there’s a problem that needs to be confronted.
Without a “mine,” we have no sense of responsibility to develop, nurture, and protect these resources. Without a “mine,” we have no self to give to God and his kingdom.
The word no helps children separate from what they don’t like. It gives them the power to make choices.
young children should be able to have a no that is listened to.
to say no, so that in the future she would have the ability to say no to evil.
Hence, Allah has removed all evil from my life.
God’s discipline teaches, not punishes: “God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it”
Allah’s discipline of me 😌 Alhumdullilah
For the first time in their lives, many boundary-injured individuals realize they have a problem.
Sometimes recovery comes in the form of hospitalization, sometimes in divorce, sometimes in jail, and sometimes in disease. But no one can really escape the disciplines of life. They will always win out. We always reap what we sow. And the later in life it is, the sadder a picture it is, for the stakes are higher.
Thanks Allah again for keeping me “disciplined” Alhumdullilah
Adult children of alcoholics never feel safe in relationships. They’re always waiting for the other person to let them down or attack them unexpectedly. They keep their guard up constantly.
Confronting an irresponsible person is not painful to him; only consequences are.
So, no need to “confront” .
Stand back, stay within your “boundary” and let Allah’s laws take “care” of it.
This gives you freedom and happiness and deals with your sense of “over-responsibility”
it is worthless to confront foolish people:
“Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose”
Another aspect of being responsible “to” is not only in the giving but in the setting of limits on another’s destructive and irresponsible behavior. It is not good to rescue someone from the consequences of their sin, for you will only have to do it again. You have reinforced the pattern
If you do what you are able—confess, believe, and ask for help—God will do what you are unable to do—bring about change
You cannot change others.
When we accept others’ freedom, we don’t get angry, feel guilty, or withdraw our love when they set boundaries with us. When we accept others’ freedom, we feel better about our own.
You need to evaluate the effects of setting boundaries and be responsible to the other person, but that does not mean you should avoid setting boundaries because someone responds with hurt or anger.
Only the honest, purposeful life leads to good fruit.
gotten past the reactive stance of the law and are able to love and not react.
A reactive stage is a stage, not an identity.
God has said that he will give us the desires of our heart.
The righteous man asks himself, If I am really “choosing” to love and serve God, why do I feel like a slave? What is wrong with my spiritual life? What is it about me that envies someone living in the gutter?
Yes. I chose, am choosing and will always choose loving and serving Allah.
If I feel anxiety for anything at any time then i have to question my lack of faith in Allah and take action to increase and strengthen my faith in Allah because where there is full faith, there will be no anxiety.
But evil is an active force, and passivity can become an ally of evil by not pushing against it. Passivity never pays off. God will match our effort, but he will never do our work for us.
Hence constant strive to self-improvement nay self-perfection.
boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated
An important thing to remember about boundaries is that they exist, and they will affect us, whether or not we communicate them.
Communicate your boundaries openly.
God has probably led you out of captivity also. Whether it was from a dysfunctional family, the world, your own religious self-righteousness, or the scatteredness of being lost, he has been your Redeemer. But what he has secured needs to be possessed. The land to which he has brought you has certain realities and principles. Learn these as set forth in his Word, and you’ll find his kingdom a wonderful place to live.
Alhumdullilah
God is much more interested in meeting our needs than he is granting all our wishes.
Touché
People who have shaky limits are often compliant on the outside but rebellious and resentful on the inside. They would like to be able to say no but are afraid. So they cover their fear with a halfhearted yes,
The one who fears is not made perfect in love”
Boundaries are a “litmus test” for the quality of our relationships. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can’t respect our boundaries are telling us that they don’t love our no. They only love our yes, our compliance.
Try our “litmus test” experiment with your significant relationships. Tell them no in some area. You’ll either come out with increased intimacy—or learn that there was very little to begin with.
