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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Henry Cloud
Read between
February 7 - October 20, 2024
Third, do not let anger be a cue for you to do something. People without boundaries respond automatically to the anger of others. They rescue, seek approval, or get angry themselves. There is great power in inactivity. Do not let an out-of-control person be the cue for you to change your course. Just allow him to be angry, and decide for yourself what you need to do.
Fifth, do not allow the angry person to get you angry. Keep a loving stance while “speaking the truth in love.” When we get caught up in the “eye for eye” mentality of the law, or the “returning evil for evil” mentality of the world, we will be in bondage. If we have boundaries, we will be separate enough to love.
Sixth, be prepared to use physical distance and other limits that enforce consequences. One woman’s life was changed when she realized that she could say, “I will not allow myself to be yelled at. I will go into the other room until you decide you can talk about this without verbally attacking me and raising your voice. When you can do that, I will talk to you.”
If you keep your boundaries, those who are angry at you will have to learn self-control for the first time instead of “other control,” which has been destructive to them anyway.
“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control” (Prov. 25:28).
If other people have the power to get you to react, they are inside your walls, inside your boundaries. Stop reacting.
These are not cases of giving “reluctantly or under compulsion” (2 Cor. 9:7). These are the instances in which your broken heart wants to give, but you would burn out if you did.
Only one party
is needed for forgiveness: me.
So many times Scripture talks about keeping boundaries with someone until she owns what she has done and produces “fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matt. 3:8).
True repentance is much more than saying “I’m sorry”; it is changing direction.
Reconciliation involves two. Do not think that because you have forgiven that you have to reconcile.
Memorizing Scripture verses will give you comfort when you face the unknown. It will remind you that God is trustworthy.
You need your support group to help comfort you in the changes you are going through. Lean on them, gain strength from them. “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (Eccl. 4:9–10).
Remember, as the disciples were about to embark on the unknown, Jesus prayed for their unity, oneness, and love for each other and God (John 17).
“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised” (Heb. 10:35–36).
To forgive means to write it off. Let it go. Tear up the account. It is to render the account “canceled.” “Having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross” (Col. 2:14).
“Having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross” (Col. 2:14).
To forgive means acknowledging we will never get from that person what was owed us. And that is what we do not like, because that involves grieving for what wi...
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“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
“Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life” (Matt. 7:14).
persevering to the end will bring great reward, “receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls” (1 Peter 1:9).
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2–4).
The Bible often describes anger in terms of heat: “Then the LORD’s anger burned against Moses” (Ex. 4:14); “Therefore the LORD’s anger burned against this land” (Deut. 29:27). Anger is like a fire that shoots up within your heart, letting you know there’s a problem to confront.
Some people will begin finding out that the holy, just God about whom they read in the Old Testament isn’t so bad or scary. He just has very clear boundaries: “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isa. 55:9).
She had no sense that her body and feelings were a “pearl . . . of great value” (Matt. 7:6), given to her by God, which she was to protect and develop.
We begin desiring a return on God’s investment (remember the parable of the master and three servants in Matthew 25:14–30). Taking care of ourselves becomes important.
“I can set limits on my spouse’s drinking.” While these sorts of confrontations are very important (Jesus spoke of them in Matthew 18:15–20), they aren’t the ultimate target of learning boundaries.
