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Several studies have shown that bad results make people equally unhappy whether or not they are responsible for them. But bad results make people regretful only if they bear responsibility.
There is an important lesson to be taken from this research on counterfactual thinking, and it’s not that we should stop doing it; counterfactual thinking is a powerful intellectual tool. The lesson is that we should try to do more downward counterfactual thinking. While upward counterfactual thinking may inspire us to do better the next time, downward counterfactual thinking may induce us to be grateful for how well we did this time. The right balance of upward and downward counterfactual thinking may enable us to avoid spiraling into a state of misery while at the same time inspiring us to
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“Regret may threaten decisions with multiple attractive alternatives more than decisions offering only one or a more limited set of alternatives…. Ironically, then, the greater the number of appealing choices, the greater the opportunity for regret.”
IF YOU LIVE IN A WORLD IN WHICH YOU EXPERIENCE MISERY MORE often than joy, adaptation is very beneficial. It may be the only thing that gives you the strength and courage to get through the day. But if you live in a world of plenty, in which sources of joy outnumber sources of misery, then adaptation defeats your attempts to enjoy your good fortune.
The way to be happy—the way to succeed in the quest for status—is to find the right pond and stay in it.
Happy people have the ability to distract themselves and move on, whereas unhappy people get stuck ruminating and make themselves more and more miserable.
According to Seligman’s hypothesis, therefore, having control is of crucial importance to psychological well-being.
I think the single most difficult negotiation that faces young people who marry in today’s America is the one in which the partners decide where their individual autonomy ends and marital obligation and responsibility take over.
With group after group of people—varying in age, gender, educational level, geographical location, race, and socioeconomic status—we have found a strong positive relation between maximizing and measures of depression.
1. Choose When to Choose
2. Be a Chooser, Not a Picker
3. Satisfice More and Maximize Less
4. Think About the Opportunity Costs of Opportunity Costs
5. Make Your Decisions Nonreversible
6. Practice an “Attitude of Gratitude”
8. Anticipate Adaptation
9. Control Expectations
10. Curtail Social Comparison
11. Learn to Love Constraints
