Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts--Becoming the Person You Want to Be

by Marshall Goldsmith

A trigger is any stimulus that reshapes our thoughts and actions. In every waking hour we are being triggered by people, events, and circumstances that have the potential to change us. These triggers appear suddenly

Fate is the hand of cards we’ve been dealt. Choice is how we play the hand.

Regret is the emotion we experience when we assess our present circumstances and reconsider how we got here. We replay what we actually did against what we should have done—and find ourselves wanting in some way. Regret can hurt.

Meaningful behavioral change is very hard to do.

It takes extraordinary effort to stop doing something in our comfort zone (because it’s painless or familiar or mildly pleasurable) in order to start something difficult that will be good for us in the long run.

One of the central tenets of this book is that our behavior is shaped, both positively and negatively, by our environment—and that a keen appreciation of our environment can dramatically lift not only our motivation, ability, and understanding of the change process, but also our confidence that we can actually do it.

No one can make us change unless we truly want to change.

A man or woman who does not wholeheartedly commit to change will never change.

Some people say they want to change, but they don’t really mean it.

That’s what makes adult behavioral change so hard. If you want to be a better partner at home or a better manager at work, you not only have to change your ways, you have to get some buy-in from your partner or co-workers. Everyone around you has to recognize that you’re changing. Relying on other people increases the degree of difficulty exponentially.

It’s about changing your behavior when you’re among people you respect and love. They are your target audience.

What makes positive, lasting behavioral change so challenging—and causes most of us to give up early in the game—is that we have to do it in our imperfect world, full of triggers that may pull and push us off course.

The good news is that behavioral change does not have to be complicated. As you absorb the methods in the following pages, do not be lulled into dismissiveness because my advice sounds simple. Achieving meaningful and lasting change may ...

That genius becomes more acute when it applies to us—when it’s our turn to change how we behave. We fall back on a set of beliefs that trigger denial, resistance, and ultimately self-delusion.

An excuse explains why we fell short of expectations after the fact. Our inner beliefs trigger failure before it happens. They sabotage lasting change by canceling its possibility. We employ these beliefs as articles of faith to justify our inaction and then wish away the result. I call them belief triggers.

If I understand, I will do.

My suggestions will help you understand how to close the gap between the “ideal you” and the “real you.”

there’s a difference between understanding and doing.

Today is a special day. When we want to make an excuse for errant behavior, any day can be designated as a “special day.”

If we really want to change we have to make peace with the fact that we cannot self-exempt every time the calendar offers us a more attractive alternative to our usual day. Excusing our momentary lapses as an outlier event triggers a self-indulgent inconsistency—which is fatal for change.

“At least I’m better than…” In a down moment after failure or loss, we tell ourselves, “At least I’m better than _________.” We award ourselves a free pass because we’re not the worst in the world. This is our excuse to take it easy, lowering the bar on our motivation and discipline.

I shouldn’t need help and structure.

“I shouldn’t need to use a checklist to remember simple instructions.” This is a natural response that combines three competing impulses: 1) our contempt for simplicity (only complexity is worthy of our attention); 2) our contempt for instruction and follow-up; and 3) our faith, however unfounded, that we can succeed all by ourselves. In combination these three trigger an unappealing exceptionalism in us. When we presume that we are better than people who need structure and guidance, we lack one of the most crucial ingredients for change: humility.

I won’t get tired and my enthusiasm will not fade.

We seldom recognize that self-control is a limited resource. As we become tired our self-control begins to waver and may eventually disappear. The sheer effort of sticking with the plan triggers depletion.

I have all the time in the world.

1) we chronically underestimate the time it takes to get anything done; 2) we believe that time is open-ended and sufficiently spacious for us to get to all our self-improvement goals eventually.

This faith in time’s infinite patience triggers procrastination. We will start getting better tomorrow. There’s no urgency to do it today.

I won’t get distracted and nothing unexpected will occur.

An epiphany will suddenly change my life.

more often than not, an epiphany experience triggers magical thinking.

I’m skeptical of any “instant conversion experience.” It might produce change in the short run, but nothing meaningful or lasting—because the process is based on impulse rather than strategy, hopes and prayers rather than structure.

My change will be permanent and I will never have...

The Great Western Disease is “I’ll be...

We set a goal and mistakenly believe that in achieving that goal we will be happy—and that we will never regress. This belief triggers a false sense of permanence.

If we don’t follow up, our positive change doesn’t last. It’s the difference between, say, getting in shape and staying in shape—hitting our physical conditioning goals and maintaining them. Even when we get there, we cannot stay there without commitment and discipline. We have to keep going to the gym—forever.

My elimination of old problems will not bring on new problems.

My efforts will be fairly rewarded.

Getting better is its own reward. If we do that, we can never feel cheated.

No one is paying attention to me.

If I change I am “inauthentic.”

We can change not only our behavior but how we define ourselves. When we put ourselves in a box marked “That’s not me,” we ensure that we’ll never get out of

I have the wisdom to assess my own behavior.

We are notoriously inaccurate in assessing ourselves.

If we’re successful, we tend to credit ourselves for our victories and blame our situation or other people for our losses.

There is an even larger reason that explains why we don’t make the changes we want to make—greater than the high quality of our excuses or our devotion to our belief triggers. It’s called the environment.

Most of us go through life unaware of how our environment shapes our behavior.

If there is one “disease” that I’m trying to cure in this book, it revolves around our total misapprehension of our environment. We think we are in sync with our environment, but actually it’s at war with us.

I want us to think of our environment as if it were a person—as imminent and real as an archrival sitting across the table. Our environment is not merely the amorphous space just beyond our fingertips and skin, our corporeal being. It’s not a given like the air around us, something we inhale and exhale but otherwise ignore as we go about our routines.

Our environment is a nonstop triggering mechanism whose impact on our behavior is too significant to be ignored.