Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts--Becoming the Person You Want to Be

by Marshall Goldsmith

What if the planner in each of us, like an effective leader with his or her subordinates, could size up the situation at any point during the day and adopt the appropriate management style for the doer in us? It’s a simple two-step: measure the need, choose the style. Many of us already do this kind of self-assessment automatically. When it matters, we have an instinctive sense of how much self-management help we need. Some goals demand little to no direction and oversight. We don’t write the goal down, or slot it for a specific time, or ask our assistant to remind us to do it. The planner in us is delegating the job to the doer in us—and assuming it will get done. Other tasks and situations, however, demand a heavier guiding hand. For example, in the matter of showing up for my daughter’s wedding, my need for guidance and self-management is low. I’m not likely to forget time and date, the address, and what to wear. Absent an unforeseen catastrophe, I don’t need direction to get me to the church on time. It’s so important nothing can distract me from achieving it. On the other hand, in the matter of how to behave at the wedding my need for direction is slightly higher. I say this feelingly because it’s what happened at my daughter Kelly’s wedding in 2013. Before the rehearsal dinner, she took me aside and gave me my marching orders on what I could say or do and who I had to be especially careful with. “Dad, don’t act like you’re teaching a class,” she said.