I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual
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Read between April 9 - April 13, 2020
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Sometimes, we get into relationships and lose all semblance of grounding because those endorphins have us all googly-eyed.
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behind every ain’t-good-for-nothing man are bedroom skills beyond measure.
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think what happens is that these guys spend so much time working on being fantastic at sex that they have no time left to nurture and develop other areas of their lives.
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Promise rings are for eighth graders, not adults.
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If you’re grown as hell and you’re walking around rocking a promise ring, you need to go sit down and think ’bout your life.
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Tattooing the name of a significant other on you needs to come after careful deliberation, knowing that person for a long time, and taking a blood oath that forbids a breakup.
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you don’t know somebody until you’ve seen them handle conflict or seen them at their worst.
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If you constantly have to play ombudsman for your beloved, you’re in a co-dependent prison of your own making. People will keep doing what they can get away with.
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ride-or-die expectations usually fall on the shoulders of women who often don’t get the same level of commitment from their men.
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My love motto is that my relationship should push me to be a better person. My partner should encourage me, challenge me, seduce me, and build me.
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If you cannot tell me about it, then odds are you weren’t supposed to do it and you feel guilty.
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Leave if you can no longer be secure in what you’ve built. Fake forgiving-and-forgetting is pointless if you will always resent that person, or hold it over their head.
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“If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”
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Anywho, for years, I did not like my body and was not comfortable in it because people constantly pointed out the fact that I was thin.
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even nice people can be racists, because racism does not depend on malicious intent.
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You do not need to actively hate someone who is of a different race than you to do racist crap and hold racist views.
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Prejudice can be subconscious,
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White supremacy is ultimately the point of racism, so it is not something that Black people can will or wish away.
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Ninety-four percent of murders of Black people are committed by other Black people, and 86 percent of murders of white people are committed by other white people.
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People victimize other people who look like them.
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And when the media can’t find anything vaguely negative to pin on them, they will find something on the people around them to drag their names through the mud.
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Black people actually have to PROVE their humanity, instead of having it accepted as a given.
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Racism is the lasting psychological, financial, and cultural legacy of centuries of slavery and segregation brought on Black people, and the lack of atonement of white people in power, and the ginormous nerve of them telling us to get over it.
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Until America is ready to turn the mirror on itself and address the giant, pink, racist elephant in the room, we cannot fix any of this.
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But when the form it takes isn’t slurs and hate speech thrown in your face, people don’t always see it, want to acknowledge it, or understand how much it affects the everyday lives of others.
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Being quiet about race or not wanting to acknowledge it is being a part of the problem, no matter how nonracist you personally are.
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America does not want to put the effort into providing this cast. This is why we must talk about race, and we must do it openly.
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To begin the exercise, we all stood in a straight horizontal line across the room.
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When our facilitator made a certain statement, folks either took a step back, took a step forward, or stayed in place.
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At the end of the exercise, after about thirty statements, we were told to pause, look around, and see where we were.
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White privilege is not having to worry about speaking for your entire ethnicity because your behavior is perceived as yours alone, not representative of everyone who looks like you.
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Even scientifically, though, colorblindness does not mean you cannot tell black from white.
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the reason Facebook’s logo is blue is because Mark Zuckerberg is red-green colorblind, and shades of blue are the richest ones he can see.
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The point of trying to be “colorblind” is not so we can deny what is obviously there; it’s supposed to be so we don’t treat people as less-than because of their color.
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The acknowledgement of the boxes that we fit in isn’t wrong, and neither is the recognition of our differences.
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So saying you don’t see race is saying you have nothing to fix.
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“I’m not interested in living in a world where my race is not a part of who I am. I am interested in living in a world where our races, no matter what they are, don’t define our trajectory in life.”
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I want people to see my color and my culture written all over me, because I am proud of the skin I’m in. It is an important part of my identity. What I don’t want them to do is mistreat me because of it.
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Socially constructed things become real when they’re embedded in the culture.
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Words used within a marginalized group are not always appropriate when used by an outsider.
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People who are in marginalized groups can define how they want to use words that have been historically derogatory.
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The entire United States, China, and India can fit comfortably in the continent with room left over.
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Our peers set the standards for our behavior, so when you let terrible things slide, you’re saying it’s okay.
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When you leave the door to your heart house open, don’t be surprised when people come in and eat all your food.
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My relationship isn’t for public consumption, and my heart would not know how to heal properly from hurt in a public way.
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I’m just saying that when people are invited onto your love train because you’ve shared every detail, then you’re making it community property.