From Lukov with Love

by Mariana Zapata

I was pretty sure his parents had adopted him straight out of Hell.

Worrying about what other people were doing was a waste of time and energy;

I was trying to be more positive. I just wasn’t that good at it yet.

Yeah, this shit wasn’t adding up, and it was only getting worse. Two minutes? You couldn’t do anything well in two minutes. I brushed my teeth for longer than two minutes twice a day.

You are who you are in life, and you either live that time trying to bend yourself to make other people happy, or… you don’t.

Under normal circumstances, I would have mouthed I’m gonna kick your fucking ass but managed not to. Just barely. Instead, I stared at that clear face with its perfect bone structure… and imagined myself wrapping my hands around his neck and squeezed the shit out of it.

I loved both my brothers, but I got why my mom loved him the most. If you ignored the similarities between him and Pluto, he always put a smile on someone’s face. Those giant ears had that effect on people.

Maybe I could blame my mom or even my siblings for not stressing enough that I needed to shut up and keep my opinions to myself. Because of all the things I could have said to soften my words, I didn’t pick any of them. “It’s ugly,” was exactly what had come out of my mouth.

Then to let him know that it wasn’t just horrific, I’d added, “It’s butt ugly.”

James laughed and barely managed to get out, “All right. I’ll let it go for now. You two don’t talk shit to each other anymore though?” I blinked. “We still do. I called him Satan today.” “Jasmine!” my mom hissed before she fell over onto the empty stool beside her, laughing.

I could be the better person… and thinking about it like that put a smile on my face. Hesitating for just a moment, I extended my hand out toward him. And it hovered there. For a second. For two seconds. For three seconds. Three more seconds and I was going to slap him in the face.

I knew the second he had me at about his head level that something was wrong, and I needed to figure out what it was. “What is it?” Coach Lee asked, like she read my mind. “His palm is weird,” I told her immediately, trying not to squirm too much before I ended up on the floor again. “There’s nothing wrong with me,” Ivan claimed from under me, sounding just as insulted as I figured he would.

“You’re such a sore loser,” he got out after a moment. “I thought I was bad, but you’ve got me beat.” “Oh please.” I wasn’t the one who got rid of partners every time one of them failed. But I didn’t say that. “You probably sit in your Tesla and cry every time you wrinkle your sweaters.” Ivan barked out another laugh that was pretty much shouted up at the ceiling.

Nothing and nobody would ever come between my dreams and me. And imagining Ivan not owning the ice wasn’t a reality I could picture, because he was the same as I was. Just evil. Well, annoying and evil.

“I’ll be just fine, Lucifer. Don’t worry about me. I’m not going to get that attached to you. Your personality isn’t that awesome.” I wasn’t surprised when he genuinely looked offended. “You know, there are a lot of people who would love this opportunity.” “Yeah, and there are a lot of people who would appreciate this opportunity but know you don’t shit out golden eggs, buddy.”

“Meatball,” he said, still speaking slowly, still not moving. He struggled with a swallow. Struggled with his words, if the strange expression on his face said anything. “I’m just fucking with you when I make fun of you,” he claimed, watching me. “You know that, don’t you?”

The hand on my bare wrist gave it a shake. “Come on, Meatball. You and me. We’ll make everybody jealous with our work-of-art asses.”

“I didn’t know you liked kids,” Ivan murmured, coming to stand beside me, arching his neck to look at the child in my arms. I smiled at Jess, knowing he couldn’t see me, and wrinkled my nose. “I love kids.”

There was something wrong with us. And I didn’t hate it. Not even a little bit.

Something warm touched my mouth later, and I’d swear I heard, “Drink it, baby,” whispered to me. And I drank it all. Whatever the hell it was.

“I wanted you to be my partner for years, dumbass. When Karina had told me you were thinking about switching to pairs, I had thought you would say something to me, even in passing as a joke. I thought you would say you were going to kick my ass, and I had planned on talking to you over it. But you never did. The next thing I knew, you had a partner. Some dipshit that wasn’t half as good as you.”

He “hmmed” before asking, “What hurts?” I swallowed and closed my eyes for a moment. “Everything.” There was no hesitation as Ivan asked, “Want a hug? You liked that before.”

His laugh was slow and awesome, unrepentant and all Ivan.

The smile that came over his features lit me up, and I bottled it up and set it aside for later, just like I always did.

“If Jasmine wanted to go to school, she would graduate with honors. If she wanted to become a doctor, she would be a doctor. But she wanted to become a figure skater, and she is the best I have ever had as a partner.

I didn’t sense someone close by until it was too late, and two arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders. It only took a single sniff to know who it was.

“I believe in you. In us. Regardless of what happens, you will always be the best partner I’ve ever had. You’ll always be the hardest working person I’ve ever known. There will only ever be you.”

And before I could think about what I was doing, I went up to my tiptoes and kissed what I could reach—Ivan’s chin. He looked down at me with an expression I had never seen before. It pleased me. So, I smacked his hip and said, “Drive careful, Satan.”

The second all three doors were slammed shut, my mom screamed. Literally screamed so loud and for so long that Ben and I both covered our ears and looked at her like she was insane. “I cannot stand your father!” she shouted the second her scream died down. “What is wrong with him?”

It was his hands that cut me off. Those hands that I was so familiar with, I could pick out from a crowd by touch. The hands that had held mine, held me, so many times I couldn’t count. But they had never held my face before. At least not the way he did right then. Because his palms went to my cheeks and he cupped them. And then he cut me off. With his mouth.

And then he kissed my upper lip between his while I was still trying to figure out what the fuck was happening. Ivan was kissing me. Kissing me.

This was my partner. This was more than my partner. He was my other half.

You promised Vanya, that calm part of my brain reminded me.

And he was smiling. And holding red roses. I loved him. Goddamn I had no idea what the hell had happened or why it had happened, but I loved him so much in that moment, my heart could have burst.

To Meatball From your best friend, Ivan

The smile that came over his face was slow… and sweet. And alarming. “You suck, Meatball,” he called out a second before I knew the music was about to start. But I love you, his lips formed.

Ivan loved me. Ivan fucking loved me. And he didn’t care if we won or lost. And all I could do was get mad that he’d cut me off when I’d been about to tell him the same thing, and now he’d won.

Squirt: I’m going to nationals. Aaron can stay with the kids. I’m not missing it.

“I made up Mindy taking the season off when really our agreement had ended, and I hadn’t planned on going back to skate with her. Because even though you drove me crazy, I wanted to skate with you.” What? Just… what?

“I love you so much I spend all day with you, and it still isn’t enough for me,” he kept going. I stopped breathing. “I love you so much, if I can’t skate with you, I don’t want to skate with anyone else.” Holy. Fuck. “I love you so fucking much, Jasmine, that if I broke my ankle during a program, I would get up and finish it for you, to get you what you’ve always wanted.”

“Because I’m okay with you having ten other people be your favorite. But you’re always going to be my favorite person,” he finished. “Always. No matter what.”

“I love the way you smile,” he said with a dreamy, sleepy expression. “I want to tell you to do it more often, but I don’t.” I took in every inch of that flawless face. “Why?” He didn’t even have his eyes open as he responded. “Because you don’t give it to everyone.” His cheek rested against mine, that sweaty chest did the same as he said, “And I don’t plan on sharing you.”