From Lukov with Love

by Mariana Zapata

He wasn’t a unicorn. He definitely wasn’t a Pegasus. He didn’t impress me.

You are who you are in life, and you either live that time trying to bend yourself to make other people happy, or… you don’t.

if I were a man, no one would think twice about it. People would think I was some kind of asshole hero with a heart of gold.

“It’s close-minded, sexist mentalities that think just because we have vaginas and breasts that women are the weaker sex—”

“Women marched, rallied, and were assaulted to make your mother and your sister human beings that weren’t their husbands’ properties.”

The girl I know, the Jasmine I know, isn’t scared of shit. She doesn’t give up, and that’s the girl people will always remember. The one who is there time after time. You’d win and keep trying to win afterward. That’s the girl I know. The one I partnered up with. The one I think is the best—and you better not ever ask me to repeat that because I won’t.

“You and me, Meatball. We’re going to win if that’s what you need. Understand me?”

“You’re my business! So this is my business!”

“What are you looking at?” I asked him, unsure why he kept glancing over and not liking it. The smile on his face didn’t go anywhere as he replied, “You.”

“You’re my friend, Jasmine. Not just my fucking partner. Don’t give me that bullshit.”

“You. Matter. To. Me. You. I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you because of me,” he kept going, his voice rising.

“I wanted you to be my partner for years, dumbass. When Karina had told me you were thinking about switching to pairs, I had thought you would say something to me, even in passing as a joke. I thought you would say you were going to kick my ass, and I had planned on talking to you over it. But you never did. The next thing I knew, you had a partner. Some dipshit that wasn’t half as good as you.”

“I don’t want anything to happen to your stubborn, mouthy, mean ass. My partner or not my partner. Do we have that clear?”

I was used to being right up against him. It felt more natural than it should have.

“You are not a fucking mistake, Jasmine,” Ivan’s voice shook into my ear and my shoulders went so tight, I started trembling.

His arms were steel around me, his face and his mouth and his whole head over mine and to the side like he could block me and protect me.

“You’re enough. You will always be enough. Hear me?”

“I believe in you. In us. Regardless of what happens, you will always be the best partner I’ve ever had. You’ll always be the hardest working person I’ve ever known. There will only ever be you.”

“I will always have your back, you know that,” he stated, sincerity staining his tone.

Love to me was honesty. Being real. Knowing someone’s best and worst. Love was a push that said someone believed in you when you didn’t.

I loved him. I loved this man so much that losing him was going to break my cold, dead heart into so many pieces I was just going to have to stick them in the same box I kept my dreams and carry it around with me forever.

This was my partner. This was more than my partner. He was my other half.

“If you were going to cry for anyone, it was going to be me.” “You’re an idiot.” “I know.”

Whatever happens, he mouthed to me. But then his lips kept forming words. Three words exactly. I love you.

I love you, he repeated like it was something he’d said a thousand times in the past.

“I love you so much I spend all day with you, and it still isn’t enough for me,” he kept going. I stopped breathing. “I love you so much, if I can’t skate with you, I don’t want to skate with anyone else.” Holy. Fuck. “I love you so fucking much, Jasmine, that if I broke my ankle during a program, I would get up and finish it for you, to get you what you’ve always wanted.”

“Because I’m okay with you having ten other people be your favorite. But you’re always going to be my favorite person,” he finished. “Always. No matter what.”