From Lukov with Love

by Mariana Zapata

But this man had never been one to back down, and I doubted he ever would. He stared at me for a moment, taking a deep breath, then letting it back out. “I know you better than you think I do.”

“The only reason I give you so much shit is because you were a pain in the ass, and then you were the only one who dished it back to me. You know you’re beautiful.”

My mom was my best friend, and she thought figure skating was more important to me than she was. Did everyone I love think that way? Was that the impression I’d left on them?

I had to make all the sacrifices that had ever been made for me worth it.

“You. Matter. To. Me. You. I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you because of me,”

Every single minute of my life began to count. Measured, booked, and given away before the day had even started. But I loved it. Valued it. All those squeezed-in moments were appreciated and necessary for me. I was making things work. I was happy. The happiest.

The smile that came over his features lit me up, and I bottled it up and set it aside for later, just like I always did.

“You’re enough. You will always be enough. Hear me?”

I didn’t want someone to pat my cheek and tell me everything was going to be okay. I wanted this man who would never take my shit, who would never let me quit, and I had a feeling would never quit on me.

“I love you so much I spend all day with you, and it still isn’t enough for me,” he kept going. I stopped breathing. “I love you so much, if I can’t skate with you, I don’t want to skate with anyone else.” Holy. Fuck. “I love you so fucking much, Jasmine, that if I broke my ankle during a program, I would get up and finish it for you, to get you what you’ve always wanted.”