From Lukov with Love

by Mariana Zapata

“To skate pairs,” he answered like “duh.” Like he was asking to get smacked. “What did you think? For square dancing?”

“You have a problem.” “I don’t have a problem. I’m fine.” “I’ve never seen you so squirmy before, and I don’t know if it’s annoying or kind of cute.”

Until this slow smile crept over his mouth. Then I could. “You’re such an annoying shit. God, I just want to punch you in the face sometimes. Who’s a champion? Shut the hell up.” What did he do? How did he respond? He laughed. Ivan Lukov laughed loud.

“You probably paid the judges with your Russian mafia money,” I kept going, which earned me another laugh so loud that I almost smiled back at him.

“You probably sit in your Tesla and cry every time you wrinkle your sweaters.” Ivan barked out another laugh that was pretty much shouted up at the ceiling.

“Is there something funny?” Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Ivan shake his head. “No. Nothing. We respect and admire each other a lot.” Oh my God. My shoulders shook for the two seconds it took to get them under control.

“Don’t sound so excited,” he replied. Then he smiled. “Which bridge do you live under and how do we get there?” “I can’t stand you.” He snickered as he dropped his sunglasses onto the bridge of his nose and faced forward. “Where to?”

“You don’t get to become good at anything without sacrificing something to make time.”

There was a pause. “I’m a catch.” “A catch and release.”

“You. Matter. To. Me. You. I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you because of me,” he kept going, his voice rising.

“You almost look sweet when you’re sleeping.” I blinked. “I said almost.”

Because it was easy to forget that love was complicated. That someone could love you and want the best for you, and at the same time, break you in half.

“You’re enough. You will always be enough. Hear me?”

His affection, his words, his belief were just… too much. They were too everything. And I was so greedy, I needed them. I needed them like I needed to breathe.

This was my partner. This was more than my partner. He was my other half.

Whatever happens, he mouthed to me. But then his lips kept forming words. Three words exactly. I love you.

“I love you so much I spend all day with you, and it still isn’t enough for me,” he kept going. I stopped breathing. “I love you so much, if I can’t skate with you, I don’t want to skate with anyone else.”