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Kindle Notes & Highlights
“So he called you a homo. Big deal. There’s nothing wrong with being a homosexual
“Give your mother the front seat…. I don’t give a shit if she said you could have it, that’s what she’s supposed to do, and you’re supposed to say, ‘No, I insist.’ You think I’m gonna drive around with my wife in the backseat and a nine-year-old in the front? You’re a crazy son of a bitch.”
I don’t want one of these guys walking up to you and you’re drawing two dogs fucking or something. I gotta be professional here.” “I don’t know how to draw that. I just draw airplanes,” I said.
“I just want silence…. Jesus, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.”
“The kid’s dad’s a drunk. His family’s a goddamned mess, and you know that. And you’re sitting out there screaming at him, trying to rattle him like this is the goddamned Major League so your kid can win a Little League game? You’re a grown man, goddamn it. What in the hell is wrong with you?”
“Snausages? I’ve been eating dog treats? Why the fuck would you put them on the counter where the rest of the food is? Fuck it, they’re delicious. I will not be shamed by this.”
On Being Intimidated “Nobody is that important. They eat, shit, and screw, just like you. Well, maybe not just like you. You got those stomach problems.”
at this point I think it’s the neighbor’s fault…. No not really, it’s your fucking fault, I’m just in denial right now that my DNA was somehow involved in something this stupid.”
“Son, do I look like the type with a master fucking plan? I just wanted to talk to you and eat some eggs. Let me finish doing one of them.”
On My Attempt to Hide a Hangover “Coming down with something? Please. You reek of booze and bullshit. Don’t lie to a Kentuckian about drinking or horses, son.”
On Shopping for Presents for His Birthday “If it’s not bourbon or sweatpants, it’s going in the garbage…. No, don’t get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.”
On Deciding to Use His Senior Discount for the First Time “Fuck it, I’m old. Gimme free stuff.”
“I figure, what’s the fucking point in dying and leaving you money when you probably won’t need it? Might as well give it to you now when you need the help. Plus, I plan on blowing most of it on stupid shit when I get senile,” he explained.
my dad has always had a great affection for waiters and waitresses. He thinks they’re hard workers who often get treated poorly by customers,
He thinks? He KNOWS.
“Don’t get mad at the overdraft charge…. No, no—see, there’s your problem. You think of it as a penalty for taking out money you don’t have, but instead, it might help you to think of it as a reminder that you’re a dumb shit.”
My dad took Angus outside, rubbed his belly, and set him down on the ground. “This is your new home. Shit and piss where you like,” he said to Angus.
On the Right Time to Have Children “It’s never the right time to have kids, but it’s always the right time for screwing. God’s not a dumb shit. He knows how it works.”
“Sometimes life leaves a hundred-dollar bill on your dresser, and you don’t realize until later it’s because it fucked you.”
“Congratulations, I’m proud of you. Have some Grape-Nuts.”
