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A soft ...
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“Y...
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I don’t think she’d hold back after I asked for honesty,...
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“And then no sex aft...
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“I kissed a couple more boys after, but it never went further. And by the time I was ready again, it was impossible to find so...
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It’s a lot of pressure. I don’t say it and I don’t show it, but knowing what a shitty experience she had the first time ups the stakes. It transforms this into something more than just a doubt experiment, an exploration, and it makes me feel like I’ve been given some kind of cosmic task to undo the wrongs of someone who came before me. To cherish this woman who deserves to be cherished, who deserves to know what good things a body can feel and do. Of course, I don’t believe in anything cosmic, so that feeling has to be all in my imagination, right? And the way my skin tightens as I...
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“What abou...
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she asks ...
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“What have yo...
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“Just assume I’ve done ev...
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I an...
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“Everyt...
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“Well, okay, there’s a few categories on Pornhub that I haven’t dabbled in, but for t...
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“And girlfr...
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“I’ve never had a serious girlfriend, and I haven’t even casually dated ...
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“Why ...
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Zenny...
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“Isn’t that normal? ...
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I s...
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“Don’t have the time, mostly. And well, I’m a little bossy, as you may have noticed. Women like it in bed, but I have tro...
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“Bossy...
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I think for a moment. Then make...
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“You really want ...
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I’m not imagining the widening of her pupi...
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“...
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“If we get through talking over everything, ...
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“Like a r...
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“Yes, darling. Like a...
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She tries to hide a smile when I call her darling, and I decide right then and there that I’m going to call her every endearment in the bo...
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“Back to the...
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I say, and there’s a new quickness in my voice because fuck I’m hard. I want to get through this and get to dinn...
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“Bounda...
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I...
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“I need to know...
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This kind of straightforward talk seems to put her back in her comfort zone, and her voice settles back into its usual, clear tones as she rattles off a lis...
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“No spit, blood, or third parties. If we do anything kinky, we have to discuss it first and we both get safe words. And obviously, I can’t risk pregnancy or disease. I’ve been taking birth control to help control mi...
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“Of co...
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She looks surprised that I don’t argue more about...
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“I always use c...
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I tel...
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“You’ve got nothing to worry about there. And everything else we...
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“Okay, ...
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she ...
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“And this can’t cut into my studies or my volunteering, so we might have to be cr...
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“I can handle...
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She squeezes m...
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“What are your bou...
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I’m glad she asked because I’ve spent the last twenty-four hours trying to find the right limits to this arrangement—any ethical loophole, any technicality that I could hold on to and think to myself, I’m not a bad man; I’m doing this to help her; here’s ho...
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“I have one boundary and o...
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I tel...
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