Sinner (Priest, #2)
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“But he kept asking for more, asking if we could find a place to be alone, if we could just try it—so I said yes. We told our parents we were staying with friends, and then we snuck into the youth center at church because I had a key from volunteering. And like...
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There’s something about the way her gaze darts away from mine, about the way her shoulders draw up and her voice goes brittle that mak...
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“Did you say yes because you really wanted to? Or because you liked him and you wante...
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“I really did want to, Sean, I promise. But I was nervous and I think…I think if he hadn’t kept asking, I would have wanted to wait. But it seemed stupid to keep telling this boy no when there was nothing wrong with him, you know? He was smart and handsome and everyone liked him—why wouldn’t ...
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I’m about to reply when she puts a finger...
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“I know now that I didn’t ow...
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she says, and I exhale ...
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“And maybe I knew it then too. My reasons for saying yes, while complica...
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“And the sex itself? How did he p...
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Her eyebrows draw ...
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“Prep...
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“To get you ...
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I...
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“To get yo...
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She stares down at me, eyebrows st...
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“We took off our clothes and he told me to lay down, so I did. Then he put on a condom and put h...
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she says at m...
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“What’s w...
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I’m furious as fuck is wh...
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“Did it hur...
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Her chin dips low and she ...
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“How did you...
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I rub my hands along Zenny’s arms, trying to find ...
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“That would hurt any woman, shoving inside without her being ready, but a virgin? I’m impressed you ever wanted t...
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“I didn’t...
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she says, her hands fiddling with her...
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“And he probably didn’t know either. It just hurt so badly and I started crying, begged him to stop. He did—but there was a moment when I thought he wouldn’t. Just a second, really, and it was nothing he did or said, but it was this moment when I realized that I had nothing but the decency...
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Her voice catches and she swa...
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“I’m sorry. I’m not that upset, it’s just so...
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“Go...
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“He said it was supposed to hurt the first time, and that it would have felt better if I would have been patient. He broke up with me the next day. Said he wanted to be with a girl w...
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Zenny pauses, looking at where my hands have curled into fists in the s...
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“S...
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“Keep g...
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I say, remarkably...
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“I’m just keeping the lid on some mil...
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A tilted ...
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“It’s okay, really. That’s about the ...
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“About the worst...
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“W...
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she says, taking ...
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“There was this thing on Twitter for a while. The Rockhurst boys—his friends—all started a hashtag. #ZennytheNun. If...
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“Jesus Christ....
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“W...
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“You had the worst first time possible. You were incredibly brave and stood up for what you needed in the moment…then you were dum...
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“It’s...
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She stops, thinks, sta...
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“It sounds traumatic when I lay it out, and yes, it stings to think about sometimes, but even in the moment, it didn’t gut me. It didn’t wound me. It sucked, but it sucked like a broken toe. I...
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I take her hands in my own, trying to read her expression. If I were going to trust anyone about their emotional inner life, I suppose it would be easiest to trust a nun—and the clear-eyed way Zenny’s looking down at me doesn’t betray any secret pain—but I have to be sure. If I’m going t...
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“Honest-girl thing? You reall...
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