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“You prayed for...
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I ask, hoping she can’t see how boyishly ...
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“I prayed for a chance. A chance to prove I was stronger than doubt—but how could I prove it if I never had the doubt in the first place? And then there you are, the first man I ever wanted, the ultimate temptation. Powerful and experienced...
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It should be shocking that this makes me embarrassed, this compliment, when I’ve had women call me a god or a hero or any number of things in order to get into my pants or my wallet. But it’s not shocking because—as I’m quickly learning—everything about Zenny seems to come with a different set of rules, a different set of experiences. It’s like I’m starting all over again with her, ...
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“And it wasn’t just that I wanted you, although I did. I mean, I do. But I know how you feel about the Church, I know exactly how worldly and materialistic you are, and what co...
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She beams up at me like a star pupil who’s just delivered a perfect answer, and I stare down at her like a teacher trying very, very hard to ...
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“Zenny, the answer is ...
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Her beaming smile fades i...
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“I thought you might still protest. It’s about El...
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“And you’re young. A thousand years too young. I know it’s hard to see at your ag...
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Zenny holds up a hand t...
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“Don’t give me some patronizing line about the ‘depraved nature of men’ or some bullshit. It’s a gender theory that’s about fifty years out-of-date, for one, and nothing more than a convenient excuse for you to avoid taking responsibility for yourself, aside from the way it neatly precludes the possibility that a woman...
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I blink. Star pupi...
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“I wouldn’t ask for this if I didn’t want it, and I can assure you that I’m just as capable of sexual energy as a man. I can also say that aside from being a legal adult, I’m under no illusions about the way you d...
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Guilt rams through me like a rai...
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“Zenny...
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“Don’t apologize. I liked it. I liked your honesty. I asked for it, and I mean the things I ask...
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She’s too articulate for me to argue with, and especially when it’s an argument I only halfheartedly want to win. By which, I mean that my heart feels like I should say no, while the rest of my body is throbbing with the urge to give her everything she’...
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“Elijah, t...
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I mumble, trying to grasp on to some reason that she can’t t...
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“He asked me to keep ...
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“And what better way to take care of me than to help me w...
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“I,...
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Good God, where is the guy who dominates boardrooms? Who runs over lawyers and heirs and investors with sheer charm and willpower? Why can’t I formulate a response? Why can’t I vocalize any fucking wo...
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“Please, Sean. I’m only asking for a month, and I’m not asking for anything you don’t want to give. I’m asking you because you’re the only person who can help me, and the only person I trust to help me, and I need that. I need to ...
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She waves a hand as she tries to think ...
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“Like Charles Nor...
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Red. Furious, jealous, protective red. Everywhere—in my eyes and choking my throat...
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“Stay away fr...
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I ma...
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“He’s a ba...
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I’m so twisted up in my sudden fit of jealous fury that I don’t see her reach for me; I only feel it as sh...
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“I can tell he’s a ...
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she says matter-o...
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“and I have no interest in him anyway. I’m saying that men like him are exactly why I want a man like you to help me with this. You’re all the things being a nun is not…but I also fe...
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I look down at her hand, slender and dark and tipped with chipped gold nails. There’s the unmistakable streak of pink highlighter across the back of one pinky finger, and if I’m not wrong, a faint remnant of a list made across the back of her hand in Sharpie. It’s the hand of a college student, the hand of a woman fresh out of youth, nothing like the chubby, dimpled hand of a baby girl I once held in a friend’s kitchen. It’s the hand of a woman who’s still learning herself, who’s sometimes forgetful and sometimes daydreamy and sometimes bored. It’s the hand of a woman who needs to be kissed
...more
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“S...
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I say hoa...
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“Please, ...
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she whispers, and she’s so close to me. So very close, and if I wanted, I could pull her into my arms; I could bury my face in her neck and bite like a vampire; I could make her feel every hard, dangerous inch of why this is such a terrible idea. And I think about how I still don’t know her, not really, not like I should. I don’t know anything about her except the barest biographical facts gleaned from Elijah’s random mentions of her…and of...
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“I need a day to think ...
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I say, taking a stumbling step back, away, my body immediately kicking up a fuss at...
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“I’m not going to pretend I’m a good man, but this is something even I...
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She nods, and she doesn’t seem surprised or upset, and I realize she expected this. She expected me to need to think about it, and I’m a little relieved by that. Even if I am Make Me Doubt Guy, at least she wasn’t lying about feeling safe with me, about trusting me. She clearly thinks that I have a moral compass of some sort, and I’m weirdly proud of that, in a way I don’t want to examine too ...
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“I unders...
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she ...
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“Can I expect you ...
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Even if it’s a stupid idea to see her in person again, I can’t bear to discuss something so personal and i...
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“Dinner here. Tomorrow at seven. We’l...
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“Din...
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