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MY HUSBAND EAMON WAS SHOT AND KILLED IN THE LINE of duty while I was sleeping.
This novel is based on my short story "Whiskey & Ribbons" and I always say that Eamon dying isn't a spoiler because it's literally in the first sentence of the book and in the synopsis. Originally, I considered having Eamon get killed halfway through the book but I couldn't do it! At one point I stopped writing and cried into my hands about it! So I killed him before the book started and then zipped back in time and gave him his own sections, so the reader could get to know him. I have lived with these characters in my heart since around 2000 and they will always be so incredibly dear to me...forever a part of me and not just my writing career, but the artist and writer inside of me who not only believed but knew...knew that I could and should tell this story and that this story would find its readers and I was very blessed to be right about that.
Meghan Burke liked this
I was a widow—a word so ghostly and hollow, a word that should’ve been a palindrome but wasn’t, those w’s with their arms stretched wide, begging for mercy.
I do love this line. And I worked on it for a long time.
Casey Haas and 1 other person liked this
yes. Sobbing together was its own unique form of intimacy—a thread wrapped around us so tight it was cutting off our circulation from the rest of the world.
This is another line that took me probably a year or more to get *just* right. There were a lot of different versions of it before I landed here.
Celesté liked this
prelude from Bach’s “Cello Suite no. 1”
This and "Clair de Lune" are my two favorite pieces of classical music.
She hugged me. We’d never hugged before. I was careful not to spill the drinks on her dress. It was short, tiger-orange. Her legs were amazing. Little ballerina legs. Little Evangeline.
I love doing this...having a character make little notes about another character...so the reader knows he's paying *extra* attention to her. Evangeline wears a lot of dresses and Eamon always notices that and the colors, etc. It's all very cute to me!
“The so-called shortcut is not faster. How many times do I have to tell you before you listen to me, son?” Eamon said as soon as he got out of his truck. His keys jingled as he shoved them in his pocket.
In this section of Dalton's, we get to see Dalton and Eamon's relationship and how it can be serious when it needs to be and also so playful, because that's who they are. One minute they can be crying in front of each other (something they wouldn't really do in front of anyone else!) and the next, teasing each other and being silly. Their relationship is one loud heartbeat of the story and I do love them together...so much. They're soulmates.
“Women, you are sleek and gorgeous. You hold us together, you’re the ribbons. We’re men. Dangerous only if you take us too seriously. We’re the whiskey. To whiskey and ribbons,” Eamon said, lifting his glass. “To whiskey and ribbons,” Evi and I repeated.
To Whiskey & Ribbons.
Rosemary Dreyer liked this
“Promise me something,” he said. “Okay.” “If something happens to me—if something happens to me, you’ll take care of Evi. Swear to me. Like even if I’m dead and gone and she marries someone else and moves a thousand miles away, you’ll check in on her. Make sure she’s okay?” he said, earnestly. The smile was gone.
This is something super-important that is prettymuch a given to both of them...Dalton doesn't really *need* to make this promise to Eamon, but he does. I wanted it to be a very deliberate thing...something that Evangeline doesn't know-know, but suspects... and then later after Eamon's death, she confronts Dalton about it.
“Are you stoked about your new bike mechanic too? The same bike mechanic who just so happens to be the same girl who you’ve kissed and who also calls asking you out to dinner?” I
I let Evangeline feel however she wants to feel. She is a new mother grieving the loss of her husband...her feelings don't always "make sense" and I didn't want them to. Feelings are messy and complicated and so are people and Evangeline is in her safest place...her home...with her safest person...Dalton, so she isn't holding anything back.
“Did you promise Eamon you’d take care of me if something happened to him?” Dalton takes my glass and lifts it to his lips, but it’s empty. He puts it back down. “Not like you think,” he says. “I want to know what you think I think.” “That’s confusing.” “You know what I mean.” Dalton shrugs. “It’s hard for both of us to accept things, so you probably think the only reason I moved in here and the only reason I’m with you like this and with Noah like this is because I owe it to Eamon.” “That’s not so crazy, though,” I say. I find the thought comforting and frustrating. I don’t want Dalton doing
...more
This is Evi confronting Dalton about The Pact and it took some whiskey to get to it, but I love this conversation because it says so much about where they are @ the moment. Evi, looking for answers. Dalton, pushing back and standing his ground. They both kinda switch up re: who is more in control over the course of the weekend and there are times when Dalton seems steadier than she is, but he's rocked by the kiss and confused...just as much as she is. Their feelings are so similar but it's taking them a bit to realize it.
Grief is horrifyingly personal. Grief is horrifyingly generic.
I think about this a lot and it was an easy line to get down. It's literally just one part of what I think about grief and grieving.
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We got to the shop. I opened the door, locked it behind us. I leaned on the counter. She let herself fall against me. I turned my head and kissed her for the first time. She pressed her hand against the cool buckle of my belt.
I really love this scene...seeing Dalton with Cassidy like *this* and how everything happens slow, then all @ once. I love both Frances and Cassidy and they both bring out different sides of Dalton, but in this moment Dalton is like...a pretty happy guy...finally kissing the girl he has a crush on and letting himself relax a bit.
He was hyper-aware of my sensitivities and so gentle with me—my glass bones, my glass heart—never stomping in the kitchen of my feelings so he wouldn’t cause my heart cake to fall.
This is an example of a line that came to me quick and easy and I never had to change it. I love when that happens! It doesn't happen all the time, but whew...when it does!
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“Fucking cliché, you coming here, Evangeline,” I said, immediately regretful I’d cussed. “I’m sorry. I’m buzzed and pissed off,” I said as she made her way inside. I closed the door behind us.
Originally it was Eamon who came to the door, but now it's Evangeline. And originally Evangeline drove herself home, but after discussing with my agent, I had Dalton drive Evangline home because he feels bad that she drove all that way alone and it also gives them more time together alone...which is important because soon Eamon will be gone.
Sergeant Eamon Royce, thirty-two, was killed in the line of duty on Monday, July 11 while attempting to investigate a domestic disturbance.
I used to write obituaries for the local newspaper, so this was the easiest part of the book to write for me, but also...just so sad. I still can barely listen to the audiobook when this part is read because it makes me cry everysingletime. I made Eamon up, but I miss him and I do all sorts of mental gymnastics to fix what I broke and to make him alive again. (I can do that since he's mine! a;sdklj) :)
I found Evangeline peeing across the kitchen floor before her legs gave out.
Any mention of this...it was hard for me to write and I hated thinking about it...that's why I wrote it. It's too real and upsetting. I hate it! But also, I love it. But I hate it! Ugh. But it's what happened.
What no one tells you about grief is that you don’t want to figure out a way to live with it—you want the part of you that hurts to die instead. Living with it isn’t an option—a part of you has to die.
<3
Rosemary Dreyer liked this
