The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships

by Suzanne Stabile

Sixes have a deep appreciation for people who are both genuine and authentic, but they don’t trust appearances. They watch to make sure you are who you say you are.

Telling them that they don’t need to worry and that everything is going to be fine will feel patronizing, disrespectful, and dismissive. But do focus on the best possible outcome instead of the worst.

It doesn’t help to just say things like, “You should trust yourself more.” It does help if you take the time to point out to a Six some previous times when they did trust their own ideas and their own ability to carry them through without checking with anyone else.

If Sevens do the work of paying attention to and bringing up feelings, it saves a lot of pain in the relationships that mean the most.

They avoid limitations—especially those imposed by someone else—and they avoid direct confrontation. Using humor and intentional distraction, they can slip away from trouble almost without being noticed.

7 It’s a challenge for Sevens to acknowledge and take full responsibility for their part in conflict without assigning blame to others.

Every Seven I know has a big heart: they are generous and willing to make sacrifices for those they love. But more than any other number I think they feel trapped, caught between their seemingly endless need for stimulation and the needs of others.

I want everything to feel like a special occasion. I want more of everything.

Although many numbers fear being abandoned and alone, Sevens are totally afraid of being trapped and engulfed, so they find an escape route in reframing.

Sevens change sad feelings into something more positive easily and quickly.

Every Seven that I know has their own story about the first time they experienced being able to refocus their attention away from fear or sadness toward something much more wonderful and safe.

A Seven’s need for optimism is directly connected to their desire to believe that the world is safe, people are good, and their needs will be taken care of.

expectations are resentments waiting to happen.

Sevens struggle more than any other number to accept that there is a limit to what they can have.

If you want to share your feelings with a Seven, by all means do that. But do not process your feelings with a Seven. You will need to do that with someone else.

I’ve wanted to write a book that would heal people for as long as I can remember.

It will be up to all of us to protect our relationships from anger, fear, and shame; to be compassionate when we see others struggling to think productively, act intentionally, and feel deeply; and to take seriously what others say about how they experience us in relationships, and then use what the Enneagram teaches to do something about it.