In Other Lands

by Sarah Rees Brennan

“I need some books full of elven lore,” said Elliot urgently. Bright-Eyes-Gladden-the-Hearts-of-Women gave him a very suspicious look. “What kind of elven lore?” Elliot gave up on subterfuge, clung to the counter, and said, “All right, you got me. I need some books full of specific elven instructions on how to please an elven lady.” Bright stared at Elliot, and Elliot wondered if he had perhaps misunderstood. “Sexually please her, I mean,” he clarified. “Very specific instructions, please. Do you know of a book like that?” Bright drew in a deep breath. “How dare you?” “The library is meant to be a place of learning, not of judgment,” said Elliot. “I suppose you think that just because I am unmarried and in employment I am no better than a hussy peddling pornographic literature!” “What?” Elliot said. “No. What?” “I’ll have you know, I am dedicated to my passion for the written word,” Bright raged. “And one day, my true elven knight will come, and she will understand my love of literature and why I felt called to promote said love among human children. Moreover, I will come pure to my marriage bed, as all true gentlemen should aspire to do!” Elliot took a moment to assimilate this new information. It was only a moment. “Okay, cool, good for you,” said Elliot. “But what if . . . just for instance. . . a guy didn’t aspire to come pure to his marriage bed? Like, if he was no true gentleman, but a hussy? Is there any advice for hussies in this library? I need advice for hussies....