Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs

by Marc Chernoff

Many of us have years, or even decades, of “lessons” to unlearn—about accepting less than we deserve, being “good” instead of speaking up, seeing ourselves as less than, simply because people have treated us that way for so long.

When we’re able to think more rationally about our present situation and expand our perspective, we’re able to see the whole picture, beyond the narrow focus brought on by pain and disappointment.

cultivate the big-picture perspective—considering

What we see in life—how we feel about ourselves, our lives, and the people around us—greatly depends on how we think.

Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.

Let go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and sincerely appreciate it for everything it is.

don’t let the little things that are out of your control dominate you!

The biggest difference between peace and stress is attitude. It’s all about how you look at a situation and what you decide to do with it. It’s remembering that there are no certainties in life; we don’t know exactly what the future will bring. So your best strategy for living is to make the best and most positive use of the present moment, even when it disappoints you . .

The environments and relationships we once found comfort in no longer exist, or no longer serve our best interests. So we cherish all the great memories, but find ourselves at a crossroads, choosing to embark on the first step of a brand-new path.

“Your worries, frustrations, disappointments, and stressful thoughts are very much like this glass of water. Think about them for a little while and nothing drastic happens. Think about them a bit longer and you begin to feel noticeable pain. Think about them all day long, and you will feel completely numb and paralyzed, incapable of doing anything else until you drop them.”

The key is to realize that the vast majority of the worries, frustrations, disappointments, and stressful thoughts you’re dealing with are a product of your own creation.

Life is painful. Change is painful. Growth is painful. But in the end, nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you do not belong.

As you move forward in life, adversity is inescapable. Once you come out of the storm, you see yourself as you really are in raw form, without the baggage that’s been holding you back. And that makes all the difference, because it frees you to take the next step, and the next.

Here’s the truth: goals don’t make positive changes happen, daily rituals do.

this: nothing will change unless you make a daily ritual that reinforces your goal.

When life gives you every reason to be negative, think of one good reason to be positive. There’s always something to be grateful for.

No, you won’t always get what you want. But remember this: there are lots of people who will never have what you have right now.

Today, focus on exactly what you have, not on what you haven’t.

Be grateful for your life. For your health, your family, your friends, and your home. Many people don’t have these things.

busyness is not a virtue.

Because if you catch yourself wanting something day in and day out, month after month, yet you never take action and thus you never make any progress, then maybe you don’t really want it after all, because you’re not willing to suffer through the sacrifices and work it’s going to take to achieve it.

True wealth is the ability to experience the present moment fully.

A negative thought is harmless unless you believe it.

It’s not your thoughts, but your attachment to your thoughts that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing it’s true without proof.

Inner peace is knowing how to belong to oneself, without external validation.

no matter what is happening in our lives, we can only fight the battles of today.

Recognize that they are simply thoughts; you don’t need to believe them or react to them.

True purpose has no deadline. Focus on the step you’re taking.

Limits illuminate beauty, and death is the ultimate limit—a reminder that we need to be aware of this beautiful person, and appreciate this beautiful thing called life.

Death is also a beginning, because while we have lost someone special, this ending, like the loss of any wonderful life situation, is a moment of reinvention.

their passing forces us to reinvent our lives, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty...

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.

Always look at what you have instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts, it’s what you do with what you have left.

Remember, an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. When life pulls you back with difficulties, it means it’s eventually going to launch you forward in a positive direction, as long as you keep your focus. So keep focusing, and keep aiming!

Sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something new. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly. Sometimes growing stronger means growing apart from old habits, relationships, and circumstances, and finding something different that truly moves you—something that gets you so excited you can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning.

the way you feel is the way you choose to feel, and the way you react is the way you choose to react.

It doesn’t always look like you thought it would, but positive shifts begin when you start to recognize and acknowledge your own self-worth.

the opposite of certainty is not uncertainty; it’s openness, curiosity, and a willingness to embrace life as it is rather than resisting it.

Can I be absolutely certain this story is true? How do I feel and behave when I tell myself this story? What’s one other possibility that might also make the ending to this story true?

Resisting and ignoring your own feelings does not serve you.

your reputation is what other people know about you. Your honor is what you know about yourself.

start by making a list of a few things that are important to you when it comes to building your character and living your life.

Great challenges make life interesting; overcoming them makes life meaningful.

Emotional discomfort in life, when accepted, rises, crests, and crashes in a series of waves. Each wave washes away an old layer of you and deposits treasures you never expected to find. Out goes inexperience, in comes awareness; out goes frustration, in comes resilience; out goes hatred, in comes kindness. No one would say these waves of emotional experience are easy to ride, but the rhythm of discomfort that you learn to tolerate is natural, helpful, and necessary. The discomfort eventually leaves you stronger and healthier than it found you.

Just because you’ve always done it doesn’t mean you have to continue. And just because you’ve never done it doesn’t mean you can’t start now.

the stories we tell ourselves tend to narrow our perspective.

As difficult as losing your job is, it’s an ending that leads to the beginning of everything that comes next.

So let the heaviness of being successful be replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again. This new beginning is the start of a different story, an opportunity to refresh your life, to reinvent who you are. See the beauty in this opportunity—the freedom and liberation from a fixed routine—a solid foundation on which you can

The vast majority of our struggles are self-created, and we can choose to overcome them in an instant.

We have attached ourselves to certain ideals and fantasies about how life has to be in order for it to be good enough for us.