Text Me When You Get Home: The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship

by Kayleen Schaefer

“We need to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn’t matter, but work is third.”

There was no stress in our relationship. We didn’t actively try to be friends with each other. I don’t know what this was other than like our souls are connected. It sounds so silly, but we are forever soulmates.”

A person is not just someone you drink too much wine with. A person is essential.

When we perpetuate this idea that you should marry your best friend, we’re saying you should only have one relationship in your life, and that ends up eroding any support network you have outside the marriage.

Can you not have more than 1 bf?

I talk about her all the time, to the point where I wonder if I’m bringing her up too much, but that doesn’t stop me from doing it. “Did

Kreeves re christine b.

This makes frenemies, women who are nice to each other but don’t necessarily like each other.

I felt excluded and intimidated. I couldn’t see how I could be part of these circles, and I didn’t know if I really wanted to. That’s changed. Now when I see groups of women, I’m drawn to them.

These days, our tribes often come together electronically, through whom we interact with on social media, what newsletters we subscribe to, or which group chats we’re in. Online, it’s possible to corral people with common interests or experiences without any preamble or need to be in the same physical location.

I accept that everything evolves. I can’t will my friendships to stay exactly as they are today. We move, get new jobs, fall in love, or give birth, and sometimes there isn’t going to be a way to equalize everyone in our lives, whether the imbalance comes from logistical or emotional upheaval, or some combination of both.

Susanna Fogel and Joni Lefkowitz, who are both screenwriters in Los Angeles, tried to work through the shift in their friendship when Joni met her now wife.

This relationship is too codependent

But even as our individual friendships fluctuate, we’re not going to stop reaching out to each other. There is no longer an automatic endpoint for prioritizing friendships, like there was for my mom

“She trained me so well. We are always available to each other.” Now if Stephanie’s driving on the freeway and gets a text from Carly, she’ll pull over.

CODEPENDANT

I worry, It might be impossible to make sure everyone important to me stays that way.

The women around me are adapting to these kinds of changes.

It’s true that some of them no longer have as much time to hang out or have interests that aren’t the same as mine, but these are shifts I accept, not ones that will decimate the friendships. What I feel when we get to be in the same place—or when we talk on the phone, text, e-mail, or instant message—is the same steady appreciation of each other.

In going back and thinking about my friendships and hearing about other women’s, I see this: Our friends are not our second choices. They are our dates for Friday nights and for ex-boyfriends’ weddings. They are the visitors to our hometowns and hospital rooms. They are the first people we tell about any news, whether it’s good, terrible, or mundane. They are our plus ones at office parties. They are the people we’re raising children with. They are our advocates, who, no matter what, make us feel like we won’t fail. They are the people who will struggle with us and who will stay with us. They are who we text when we get home.