Shatter Me (Shatter Me, #1)

by Tahereh Mafi

I’m swimming in sunlight.

Because the outside world is a treat I’m so seldom offered.

reaching out to touch the sky like I’m hoping it will remember me.

want to dance with the elements. Warner grabs my hand. I turn around. He’s smiling. “This,” he says, gesturing to the cold gray world under our feet, “this makes you happy?”

“Cold air smells so clean,” I tell him. “Fresh. Brand-new. It’s the most wonderful smell in the world.”

His eyes look amused, troubled, interested, and confused all at once. He shakes his head. Pats down his jacket and reaches for an inside pocket. He pulls out a gun with a gold hilt that glints in the sunlight.

He inspects the gun in a way I wouldn’t understand, presumably to check whether or not it’s ready to fire. He slips it into his hand, his finger poised directly over the trigger. He turns and finally reads the expression on...

I distinguish almost 50 lines, each perfectly straight, perfectly spaced, so many soldiers standing single file I lose count.

“Juliette, come here, please.” 2 fingers bend in 2 places to beckon me forward. I inch into view. Warner slips his arm around me.

His gun is too close to my body.

My story. “I hope you’ll all greet her with the same sort of kindness,” Warner adds. “She will be with us for some time, and will be a very valuable asset to our efforts. The Reestablishment welcomes her. I welcome her. You should welcome her.”

Warner finally unshackles my eyes and nods, almost imperceptibly, in the balding man’s direction.

Warner nods. Takes a breath. And shoots him in the forehead.

Warner slips the metal amplification device back into his suit and has to yank me free from the spot where I’m glued to the ground.

Warner is trying to get me through the door. “You really must eat more,” he says to me.

“You killed him,” I manage to whisper. “You just killed him—” “You’re very astute.”

“Keep your eyes open, Juliette. Now’s not the time to fall asleep.”

gust of wind slaps me across the face and I’m suddenly in control of my senses. I push him hard, slamming his back up against the door. “You disgust me.” I stare hard into his crystal-cold eyes. “You disgust me—”

His thumb brushes my cheek. “Life is a bleak place,” he whispers. “Sometimes you have to learn how to shoot first.” Warner follows me into my room.

“You should probably sleep,” he says to me. It’s the first time he’s spoken since we left the rooftop. “I’ll have food sent up to your room, but other than that I’ll make sure you’re not disturbed.”

“I only kill people if I need to.” “Generous.” “More than most.”

“You think you have a disease? You have a gift!

have no potential!” “You’re wrong.” He’s glaring at me. There’s no other way to describe it. I could almost say he hates me in this moment. Hates me for hating myself.

His smile is laced with dynamite. “Go to sleep.” “Go to hell.”

He works his jaw. Walks to the door. “I’m working on it.”

whispers. I curl my fingers around the possibility of Adam in my hand and sleep more soundly than I have in my life.

My eyes are 2 windows cracked open by the chaos in this world.

he’s not running away from me and I’m crying

and he’s holding me the way no one has ever held me before. Like he wants me.

I’m the bird and I’m flying away.

Why can he touch me?

“You look lovely.” Warner whisks into the room like he treads air for a living. He’s accompanied by no one.

“Green is a great color on you,” he says with a stupid smile. “It really brings out the color of your eyes.”

“What color are my eyes?” I ask the wall. He laughs. “You’re not serious.” “How old are you?” He stops laughing. “You care to know?” “I’m curious.”

“Looking at you makes me sick.” “You’re far more stubborn than I thought you’d be.” “I’m wearing your dress. I ate your food. I’m here.” I lift my eyes to look at him and he’s already staring straight at me.

“I’m not hungry.” “This is not an option.” I look up. “You are not allowed to starve yourself to death,” he says.

“I am not your toy,” I nearly spit.

“This process would be so much easier if you would just cooperate.

My face has been slapped by a hundred hands. “And yet—” He laughs openly now. “You insist on making me the bad guy.” He meets my eyes.

“You and I are not as similar as you might hope,” I snap. He smiles so wide I’m not sure how to react. “I’m nineteen, by the way.” “Excuse me?” “I’m nineteen years old,” he clarifies. “I’m a fairly impressive specimen for my age, I know.”

“I have no respect for you.” “You will change your mind,” he says easily. “Now hurry up and eat. We have a lot of work to do.”

“You are not allowed to speak to the soldiers,” he said. “If you have questions, you can find me. I am the only person you need to concern yourself with while you’re here.”

Possessive is not a strong enough word for Warner. He escorts me everywhere. Talks to me too much.

If he is busy, I am sent to my room. If he is fr...

Just as soon as I realize how much I want this, how much I want him, how much I want this new, glorious, powerful life.

His kindness. His willingness to understand that this transition must be difficult.

Because now Warner is watching me. The cameras are watching everything.

He won’t stop looking at me. Smiling at me. Torturing me with his eyes. This is me, screaming silently into my fist.

Children are not stupid, was what I wanted to tell her.

I’m so sorry, is what I never said to her son. I thought my hands were helping I thought my heart was helping I thought so many things I never never never never never thought “You killed a little boy.”