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November 3 - November 4, 2024
pick-your-flesh-from-my-between-my-teeth-with-a-shard-of-your-bone
From in between
I knew that, the SPD knew that, but the residences of Sunset district weren’t having it.
Residents
And now I had an autistic, very aggressive, ripper looking to me to be his upgraded meal.
No comma needed after aggressive
Raspy breathes, way too loud, way too close, cut the air behind me.
Breaths.
Also, probably better to use m-dashes: Raspy breaths—way too loud, way too close—cut the air behind me.
Their eyes glinted like silver pennies in the moonlight.
Where are we that pennies are silver and not copper?
He pulled off his cape, smoothed back his hair and then shoved it firmly back onto his head again.
Pulled off his cap, character was wearing a cap.
“Come one Harker.
Come on, Harker.
The reception was ogle center as I strode out to meet the Protectorate representatives.
Ogle-central.
This was Nolan—my mentor—who’d never been inappropriate to me in his life.
Inappropriate with me
Looking down on us, but maybe I’d been wrong. What had they got over us really? Special abilities and super strength?
What did they have over us, really?
Beautiful women are his Achilles heel.”
Achilles' heel
Where the fuck was Bellamy and Fulstrom?
Were
Sunset is rife for the reaping,
Ripe for the reaping
Focus in the main issue.
Focus on
“Wait... Damn that looks like...”
Damn, that looks like
“You can open your eyes now?” he said.
Not a question. No interrogation mark needed.
Looking down on me with the concerned expression I was so used to, and something else, something dark and new I’d never noticed before.
Looking down at me.
“What?” his voice was rasp.
A rasp?
“You have the day booked off for the fete remember?”
“You have the day booked off for the fete, remember?”
Great the cavalry had arrived.
Great, the cavalry had arrived.
My glaze slipped past them to the five-man extraction team.
gaze
Nolan made a grab for me just as the extraction guy, pressed a knee to my sister’s back.
No comma needed: Nolan made a grab for me just as the extraction guy pressed a knee to my sister’s back.
The power I’d absorbed from Daryn, the power I’d stored up and squirreled away blasted out of me and slammed into the officers, knocking them flying.
The power I’d absorbed from Daryn, the power I’d stored up and squirreled away, blasted out of me and slammed into the officers, knocking them flying
Reception loomed up ahead, and through the glassed off upper half of the double doors I caught site of the neph sent to collect me.
Reception loomed up ahead, and through the glassed-off upper half of the double doors, I caught sight of the neph sent to collect me.
There are things in Midnight that the MPD is struggling to keep in control.
Under control.
Although recently. the craving had been getting stronger.
Although recently, the craving had been getting stronger.
“You didn’t exactly push the question either did you,” Ryker said.
“You didn’t exactly push the question either, did you?” Ryker asked.
“Fine. I’m a soft touch, okay. Who wouldn’t want to live in Sunset if they could.”
“Fine. I’m a soft touch, okay? Who wouldn’t want to live in Sunset if they could?”
“There is a way to control it you know.
There is a way to control it, you know?
Man it was obvious.
Man, it was obvious.
Ryker’s snorted.
Ryker snorted.
He led me though the foyer and under an arch, down spooky dark corridors lit sporadically by candelabra’s
Candelabras.
“Are you a spy little woman?
Are you a spy, little woman?
Banes gaze dropped to my waist.
Bane's gaze
there was a new face at the table—slender, features, an inquisitive mouth and a guarded gaze.
There was a new face at the table—slender features, an inquisitive mouth, and a guarded gaze.
I can sense emotions, intentions, sometimes I feel others pain.
other's
A skitter ran over my scalp. “Death and life?” You know Latin? Latin? “Was that Latin?” His eyes narrowed. “Yes. Mort and Vitae mean death and life.” “Oh...Um...I guess I do then. I must have heard the words somewhere, sometime.”
A skitter ran over my scalp, "death and life?”
"You know Latin?"
<i>Latin?</i>
“Was that Latin?”
His eyes narrowed. “Yes. Mort and Vitae mean death and life.”
“Oh...Um...I guess I do, then. I must have heard the words somewhere, sometime.”
I walked through the thong, past couples dancing,
throng
The Sanguinata took step away from the bar.
a step away/a few steps away
I curled my hands into fist
hands into fists.
Something told me my touch would not be welcome right now.
welcomed
When he’s said
He'd said
“Really? Tristan looked momentarily thrown. He tapped his bottom lip with an index finger. “Because I thought she was found at The Deep, which is MPD jurisdiction.”
"Really?" - closing quotation marks are missing from dialogue.
“Yes, so why aren’t we going in with a warrant. Wait, do you even have warrants.
Yes, so why aren’t we going in with a warrant? Wait, do you even have warrants?
Gravel ate at my soles as I skid into the green haze.
Skidded
Half bathed in shadow, his mammoth form moved easily over the rumble.
Half-bathed in shadow, his mammoth form moved easily over the rubble.
and somehow sooth his pain
Soothe
At least here I had willing nephs to feed off,
Feed off of
“It’s fine I’m not mad.
It’s fine, I’m not mad.
“Their playing the scourge and we have to tag as many as we can.
They're
