The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with Autism

by Naoki Higashida

You normal people, you talk at an incredible speed. Between thinking something in your head and saying it takes you just a split second. To us, that’s like magic!

for people with autism, what we’re anxious about is that we’re causing trouble for the rest of you, or even getting on your nerves. This is why it’s hard for us to stay around other people. This is why we often end up being left on our own.

Whenever I overhear someone remark how much I prefer being on my own, it makes me feel desperately lonely.

when we don’t need to think about other people or anything else, that’s when we wear our natural expressions.

You can’t always tell just by looking at people with autism, but we never really feel that our bodies are our own.

It really gets me down that people just don’t understand how hungry for knowledge people with autism actually are.

I want to grow up learning a million things!

My problem is that as soon as I try to run fast, I start thinking about how I ought to be moving my arms and legs, and then my whole body freezes up.

I’ll always cherish the part of me that thinks of nature as a friend.

if I didn’t go outside, then I would cease to exist.

I feel a deep envy of people who can know what their own minds are saying, and who have the power to act accordingly.

And because people with autism aren’t skillful talkers, we may in fact be even more sensitive than you are. Stuck here inside these unresponsive bodies of ours, with feelings we can’t properly express, it’s always a struggle just to survive.

How do you describe the autism? Are you actually measuring it, or the degree to which the individual has or hasn’t been able to integrate coping mechanisms into behavior?