Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

by Aziz Gazipura

we marshal our inner warrior and gear up for a fight. This makes our no come out more harshly than needed, which often brings about the reactions we are most afraid of.

Instead, you can convey warmth and appreciation as you say no. This starts with fully realizing that you are not doing anything wrong and that you have complete permission to say no. It also requires that you let go of over-responsibility for the feelings of others. Yes, they might feel sad or disappointed, and that’s OK. You can witness that and even support them, just as you might if their upset had come from something else in their life.

Beware using the word “but” when appreciating someone. But is a contradicting phrase that tends to negate whatever you said before it.

One simple solution is to avoid using the word but in those situations. You can either use the word “and” or just make it two statements. “Thanks for offering, I really enjoy spending time with you, and unfortunately I’m busy that weekend.” “Thanks for offering, I really enjoy spending time with you. I’m busy that weekend, so I won’t be able to join.”