White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism

by Robin DiAngelo

If we need to argue, minimize, explain, play devil’s advocate, pout, tune out, or withdraw to stop the challenge, then we will. White fragility functions as a form of bullying; I am going to make it so miserable for you to confront me—no matter how diplomatically you try to do so—that you will simply back off, give up, and never raise the issue again.

White fragility keeps people of color in line and ...

stopping our racist patterns must be more important than working to convince others that we don’t have them.

The term white tears refers to all the ways, both literally and metaphorically, that white fragility manifests itself through white people’s laments over how hard racism is on us.

I understand that expressing our heartfelt emotions—especially as they relate to racial injustices—is an important progressive value. To repress our feelings seems counterintuitive to being present, compassionate, and supportive. So why would my colleague of color make such a request? In short, white women’s tears have a powerful impact in this setting, effectively reinscribing rather than ameliorating racism.

there is a long historical backdrop of black men being tortured and murdered because of a white woman’s distress, and we white women bring these histories with us.

“When a white woman cries, a black man gets hurt.” Not knowing or being sensitive to this history is another example of white centrality, individualism, and lack of racial humility.

Control of the conversation by speaking first, last, and most often

Arrogant and disingenuous invalidation of racial inequality via “just playing the devil’s advocate”

All these moves push race off the table, help white men retain control of the discussion, end the challenge to their positions, and reassert their dominance.

will focus on the message and not the messenger. I need to build my capacity to endure discomfort and bear witness to the pain of racism. I have some work to do.

Authentic antiracism is rarely comfortable. Discomfort is key to my growth and thus desirable.

Minimize our defensiveness. Demonstrate our vulnerability. Demonstrate our curiosity and humility. Allow for growth. Stretch our worldview. Ensure action.

Demonstrate that we practice what we profess to value. Build authentic relationships and trust. Interrupt privilege-protecting comfort. Interrupt internalized superiority.

Break with the apathy of whiteness, and demonstrate that you care enough to put in the effort.

is unwilling to accept it; they either endure the microaggressions or drift away from the relationship. They do not feel close to white people to whom they can’t speak honestly about racism, and these relationships always have a degree of distance and inauthenticity.