At the Stroke of Midnight (The Naughty Princess Club, #1)

by Tara Sivec

“If it’s burning eternally, it’s probably chlamydia,” Ariel deadpans.

“That was the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me,” I tell her with a sniffle. “Just think: Instead of having that giant pole up your ass, you’ll have it in the palm of your hands and be swinging on it in about forty-five seconds,” she says with a smirk. “And then you go and completely ruin it,” I mutter with a shake of my head,

“You’re like a walking encyclopedia. Tell me another random fact.” “The average woman uses her height in lipstick every five years.” “Oh-em-gee! I just want to shove you in my pocket and bring you out at parties!”

“I think you should apologize and tell her what you did,” Isabelle speaks quietly. “But it’s so much fun watching her lose her shit. She’s like a bat-shit crazy wind-up toy, just spinning around and around until she smacks into a wall,” Ariel replies.

“Fourteen? Jesus, no wonder we, as a gender, are so fucked up. It’s been stuffed down our throats since we were born that it’s completely normal to find the man of your dreams when you’re a child, and you’re pretty much a freak of nature and an old maid if you haven’t found him by the time you’re seventeen,”

“I prepared plenty. I put on my T-shirt that says FUCK BEING A PRINCESS, I WANT TO BE A VAMPIRE, drank my weight in vodka, and made a list of all the different ways I could kill my ex and make it look like an accident.”

“The latest study found people who liked more swear words and used them most often were least likely to lie. Swearing is the unfiltered, genuine expression of emotions, and those who do it frequently were found to be more sincere,”

“My name’s Eric Sailor. I like long walks on the beach, watching romantic comedies, and snuggling after sex.” Ariel visibly dry heaves before giving him a bored look. “Fuck off.” Eric tips his head back and laughs before shaking his head at her.

“Oh, and if you are thinking about becoming a stripper, you should totally go for it. You’ve got a killer bod under all those prissy suits you wear. Those men would make it rain if you were on stage!” “ANASTASIA!” I shout with a shocked laugh, grabbing another pillow and whipping it at the doorway.

“It’s not rock bottom unless you get down on your knees and start snorting that shit,” she replies. “Fuck. Do NOT get down on your knees and start snorting that shit, Cindy. At least not until I get there with a fully charged cell phone battery so I can record it.”

“Who wants a man that can go for hours? I’ve got shit to watch on my DVR, and I need my beauty sleep. Get in and get out,” Ariel replies.

“Oh, sweet Jesus. I think we broke Princess Barbie,” Ariel whispers.

“Welcome home, Zero Fucks Given Barbie. Welcome home,” Ariel says.

“So, Ma, Mom, Mommy, my favorite mother in the whole wide world,” she starts, batting her eyelashes and folding her hands under her chin. “There’s this Supernatural shirt at Hot Topic I HAVE to have. It’s got Castiel on it. Can I get it?”

“You couldn’t find my clit with a flashlight and Google Maps!”