Lost in the Reflecting Pool: A Memoir

by Diane Pomerantz

I didn’t realize the degree to which he needed total adoration.

the terrorist usurps the role of the victim in order to gain control.

It was the mark of a true narcissist:

they fear someone only when they think that person has more power than they do.

and once I wasn’t useful, I no longer existed. For me, it was a relationship; for him, I was a need-gratifying object.

“Why don’t you just leave?” Or, once you have left, people say, “Get over it.” The reality is, it is not so simple. By the time Charles and I separated, I was in a state of post-traumatic stress. My disentanglement and disengagement from Charles was a process. It involved not only taking off blinders and seeing what was happening in the relationship but also looking at and absorbing what I saw. Sometimes it was painful. It took time, a long time, which I needed to allow myself.

Are there times when it is counterproductive to forgive? Does universal forgiveness lessen the meaning behind the act?

Forgiveness comes when we are each willing to understand the other’s point of view.