Autism in Heels: The Untold Story of a Female Life on the Spectrum

by Jennifer O'Toole

Looking back at my own faltering steps and seeing the pattern repeat in so many young women, I’ve called these the “wandering years.” A time when opportunities are missed, decisions become dangerous, and hope is lost … not because of a lack of talent or passion or effort, but because of social gaffes, communication gaps, self-doubt, and plain old mind-blindness.

“But tonight, you have a choice. And you have me. Which means you have power. You can control whether or not you choose to leave this evening. That said, be very sure that neither option is wrong and neither is right. No one’s judging. The important thing here is to simply realize that you have an option. And that because you have an option, you have the responsibility to yourself to make a conscious, active choice. Life doesn’t happen to you, girlie,” I smiled gently. “You happen to it. And no matter what anyone says, you, young lady, are a miracle. Remember that. Forever.”

The neurological hardwiring that makes me blind to social self-sabotage is the same one that tells me that actions speak louder than words. That resilience trumps precision. That bravery isn’t something you plan for. That wonder and possibility and wild imagination are truer and more beautiful than anything I know. Quirks, misunderstandings, hurts, and blunders—courage, tenacity, fidelity, and joy—they are all part of being the kind of different we are. Keep calm and carry on? No thanks. I’d rather stir it up and change the world.

My tattoo, tiny as can be, is a constant reminder that no matter what—no matter how wonderful or lousy or crazy or confusing today is, there is more to say. More to come.