This Is Me

by Chrissy Metz

Look, not everyone is gonna like us. I know! Crazy, right? Because we’re so great and awesome and funny and . . . well, sometimes none of those things matter: people have been hurt and they think they will feel better if they hurt you.

Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” Part of being an adult and being emotionally secure is knowing that people’s attitudes don’t have the power to destroy you. You have the power to decide how to react to the hurt people who want you to feel just as hurt as them.

I think the fashion industry is changing when it comes to plus-size fashion, but it’s like everybody is coming off an Ambien. Slowly, and often without much direction. Most urgently, there’s my own biggest qualm: the arms. The arms are always so big. Okay, I have a bigger midsection, but that doesn’t mean my arms need these yards of silk. Just like in straight sizes, not every plus-size body is shaped the same. Designers must begin to cater to people who are heavier on top or on the bottom, instead of assuming one big size fits all. Because good God, sometimes the tailoring costs me more than the clothes!

5. Make a Great Tailor Your Bestie. No article of clothing is one-size-fits-all. And you are worth going to the tailor to get the fit that you want. A good fit can change your life.

One of the secret weapons people use is “I wish I had your confidence.” I am perplexed by this statement and I initially took offense at it. We all know what they’re really saying: “How can you feel this good but look so bad?” Well, my friends, there’s a complicated response, but I will give you the CliffsNotes: If you can’t love yourself for who you are right now, you’ll never get to the place you’re meant to be.

It’s a comment on how we are judged for the way we look and a feeling everyone can relate to. I take off my earrings, because Kate’s in a place where she feels every ounce counts. Reese Witherspoon told me when I met her, “We’ve all done it.” People of all walks of life respond to Kate, because we all feel vulnerable. We have all gotten caught up in our inadequacies, but if we move through them, we can learn and get where we want to be. And time and again, I have seen that the answer to what we really want, the reason people connect to Kate, is that wish to love and be loved.

I was trying to talk myself out of what I was supposed to do that day and I caught myself. “Chrissy,” I said aloud. “Just do the damn scene.” In that scene, and in life, sometimes you have to do what you have to do and not worry about being perfect. The real secret is to focus on the bigger picture. Not just yourself. Think about it: My ego was telling me that everything rode on me hitting my mark and nailing my line. But what about the directors? What about the crew? There were thirty people making sure the lighting was right and there were thousands of dollars on the line for that scene alone. Wait, it’s not about me at all. We’re a team.

Try not to complicate tasks! Just do it!

It would be so different if he had said, “You know, I was absent. I am sorry. I want to make it up to you.” But we can’t write lines for people just because we want to hear them. He never once said he was sorry, because he obviously doesn’t feel like he did anything wrong. And that bothers me. How do you forgive someone for something when he refuses to acknowledge that he has done anything to forgive?

I guess you have to forgive the person for yourself. For your own sanity. I have come to terms with my dad being who he is. And if he doesn’t want to change, that’s okay. If he doesn’t want to even see the other side of the coin, that’s okay, too. My ego wants to say, “You’re wrong. You’re a liar. Let me tell you about your ass.” But for what? What will that solve? If he’s shown me who he is time and time again, and that never serves but in fact hurts me, I don’t have to be in a relationship with him. I can meet him where he is, but I can move forward.

“I give back,” she said. “Anytime I get a job, I want to give somebody else a job.” Even if she doesn’t create the job for someone, she puts in a word. She spreads love and fortune, which is also key to my own thinking about success: You can’t keep what you don’t give away. What you want to receive in your own life—whether it’s opportunity, love, or grace—you have to put it out there first.

So often, we don’t think we’re deserving of things. But we will sprain a wrist reaching for our wallets to help others. Buy the laptop. Or the dress. Enroll in a class. Whatever it is, you’re worth it.

But, she bought a $3000 laptop? Mine cost $175!

When you are constantly adapting and make it all work, you can handle major ups and downs. You can get in your head and totally allow that voice to ruin a good thing. That voice in your head is not real. Feelings are not facts.

I thought success and joy weren’t coming to me. They were inside me all along. Every little act I did of showing up for myself brought me to this moment, right here where I am talking to you. You are hard-wired for this dream, and you’ll make things happen once you stop waiting for things to happen. Turn all that attention you’re putting toward what other people are saying to what you’re saying. You’ve so got this. Say it: “I’ve got this.”