This Is Me

by Chrissy Metz

Sharing the things that we’re afraid will make us appear less in others’ eyes makes us stronger.

I wanted people to relate to me, so I started asking, “How do I relate to them?”

Those of us who are fortunate have to set boundaries, because others will imagine what you can give them and hold you accountable for that. Until their imagined need becomes a debt you owe them.

You fear the judgment of a loved one, or worry that your growth might be a threat to that person. My advice is to give people the opportunity to surprise you, and to grow with you as you become the person you want to be.

When you are confident in your abilities, it lets other people feel confident in theirs too.

I discovered that food gave me a comfort like nothing

Food was something to look forward to.

It wasn’t that I ate a lot, it was what I ate. Cookies, chips. Things I could eat as fast as possible to avoid detection. Things that would give me the brief bliss of numbness, and take my mind off what was going on around me.

I needed it because it allowed me to express myself but not have the full focus on me.

It was a way to relate to people. If I couldn’t play the game, I could at least coach it.

When you wake up in the morning, do not get out of bed until you have focused on at least five specific things for which you are grateful. Do this as soon as you wake up.

you can’t give from an empty well. When you don’t realize how full your life is, you can’t give to others. And when you cannot give to others, you will not be able to receive.

How often do we take the people closest to us for granted, the same way we do our eyesight or the magic that makes a lightbulb turn on when we flip a switch? The very things—or people—we take for granted are what we should be most thankful for.

What made me stand out to people initially was my size, and it gave them the impression that I was not worthy, was lazy, or whatever people’s perception of what plus-size is.

The kids were on average four years old and they hands-down were smarter than I was at that age. There was a boy named Daniel, who spoke so well. “Uh, Miss Chrissy? I believe I am a little damp,” he would say when he wet himself.

Take time to have a conversation with yourself every now and again. What’s working? What could maybe use a little tweaking? So often we’re on autopilot and we slip into addictive behaviors to avoid listening to ourselves. We eat, or drink, or, yes, check our phones—anything to avoid hearing what we truly need to say.

I have never regretted advocating for myself or someone I care about.

we sometimes have a guilty-until-proven-innocent approach to people. We make them prove their worth to us. But if we accepted newcomers to our lives as cool at the outset, and then got to decide if they live up to our openhearted expectation, I think we’d all be a lot happier.

Your dream might evolve. You might see that something isn’t meant for you, and that realization will lead to what it is you are really supposed to be doing.

life tips that are still life goals

If you want to nurture a passion, plant it where it has a chance to bloom.

Can I do what I want to be doing where I am now?

Don’t talk about what you’re entitled to, because that’s about emotion. State facts. What is your value to the operation?

If you are kind, you will work with kind people.

There’s a loyalty and a beautiful bond that can’t be broken when someone knows you took a chance on him or her.

When we’re there on a level of mutual respect, we can just be real with each other.

if they never took the first step, they never would have known what their love really was.

It’s not always the journey we expect, but it’s the one we need to take.

if you are doing something or putting up with something because you love someone, consider checking in with that person to make sure that is really love in action to him or her. Because you are not the authority on what makes others feel loved. They are. Ask them.

Anxiety is one of the worst things you can experience in your whole life. The more you resist, the more it persists. I learned pretty quickly that I had to lean in to my anxiety. And accept it. Or try to.

Once you stop making everything about yourself and your feelings, things just kind of click. You’re forced to be honest with what’s going on with you, deep down, and what you’re doing to yourself.

You go out to lunch, but all you can think about is what you are having for dinner. The next meal. I really did think that I was the only person who thought that way. This wasn’t about the joy of food, but the need to fill the void and eat our emotions.

It doesn’t matter how addiction manifests. Addiction is addiction is addiction. Whether you’re a drug addict or a food addict, it’s the same thing. It’s just that food is easily accessible and acceptable, and you have to consume it in order to survive. That was really . . . oof, it was hard for me to realize I had such an obsession with food that the feeling it gave me was an addiction.

I felt my food obsession was a symptom, not the issue. And I knew I needed to fix the mental stuff before I could hope to have a lasting relationship with my body.

More important than any number was the fact that I had returned to my old crutch of numbing myself with food. It started with having a little bit more here and there, but it’s a slippery slope. One night I treated myself to a cheeseburger and fries. That became a weekly thing, and then more often. I would get busy and decide the best use of my time would be to just run through the drive-thru. Or I would have salty food and say, “Well, now I need sweet.” Sometimes you don’t realize you’re eating the feelings you can’t handle.

My ex told me I was narcissistic and selfish. That was really, really hard for me to process because I always thought I was the opposite. I wasn’t confident enough to even think about being selfish.

I vow to really sit with my feelings and not be impulsive in communicating them.

if you don’t tell your partner what will make you happy, you are unfairly holding that person responsible for failing to give it to you.

Whenever you have an issue in a relationship, whether it be with a loved one or a family member, just check yourself and make sure you are coming from a place of love. Because you love this person, right? Your core impulse is to love, so honor that, and don’t drown it out with too much talk.

Our ego gets in the way and tells us that we’ll look cheesy at best and at worst, the affection will not be returned. No one wants to experience the emotional version of being left hanging in a high-five. But trust me, if you put yourself out there, chances are, your feelings will be reciprocated, or at least received with kindness.

sometimes we want people to like us even if we don’t like them.

I wouldn’t advise you to blow up the toilet on the first date. But if you do, and you’re still together, that person is a keeper. Don’t we all want someone who accepts all we have to offer?

I was always looking for it outside of myself, but having beauty and confidence is an inside job.

People are scrolled through like cattle. And what is the incentive for someone to treat you right when the person can swipe left at any second?

Are you hungry? Are you angry? Are you lonely? Are you tired?! HALT! HALT! HALT!

I need to ask myself if I genuinely like this person or if I am trying to fill a void because I am frustrated in my life about something, or simply lonely.

It’s hard to change relationship habits. You can’t move a rooted tree overnight. You have to dig deep,

if you’re not willing to invest in yourself—whether it’s acting classes or exercise or eating right—invest in yourself and your brand and your person and your acting, how do you expect anyone else to do that?

Dot had me do homework, such as singing to myself naked in the mirror. “You have to just be comfortable with being yourself,” she told me.

Letting go of the need for perfection, in singing and in life, allowed me freedom to improve.