Axios: A Spartan Tale (Axios Series)

by Jaclyn Osborn

Everyone watched me. It was not just a fight to see who lost, but also one to see if the victor had it in him to kill. Sparta was no place for the frail or those sensitive to death. After grabbing the rock that I had dropped before tackling him, I raised my arm and aimed. Forgive me. Darius’ eyes widened and he choked out a sob right before I smashed in his skull. I screamed as I hit him, feeling warmth flow between my fingers and splatter on my face with each strike. His body slumped, and his head lolled to the side as a puddle of blood formed in the dirt. And his eyes watched me.

“I knew you were there,” I lied and flipped around to lie beside him. He turned his head and smiled. “Such a horrible liar you are, Axios. Want to know how I can tell?” Propping himself up on his elbow, he leaned in close to me and touched the edge of my mouth. “Your lip twitches right here when you lie.” I slapped his hand away and scoffed. “You are too observant.” “No,” he spoke, laying back and looking up at the blue sky. “I just know you.” As he closed his eyes, letting the sun bathe him in its golden light, I studied the smooth planes of his face. His high cheekbones and his plump bottom lip… the soft point of his nose. I know you as well.

“I treasure you,” he finally spoke. “Not a day passes where I do not thank the gods for placing you in my life.” Smiling, I laid my head beside his and nudged his arm playfully. “Becoming sentimental are we? I suppose I feel the same.” My words were light, but my heart weighed heavily. His confession was like a warm cloak around my very being. I felt at peace in his presence.

“One day when we are soldiers, we will face these conditions again. It is to prepare us.” “What if I do not wish to be a soldier?” The question came out unexpectedly. Several times I had asked myself the same question, but I had never uttered it aloud, knowing it to be ridiculous. I wanted to become a warrior. On occasion, I had questioned myself, though, not believing I was suited to the lifestyle. Eryx stopped walking and stared at me with a furrowed brow. “Ax, we have no choice. We may not choose another occupation if we ever wish to become equals in Sparta. Do not let the men ever hear you say such a thing. This is our life. Being a warrior is the greatest of honors. Fighting for our lands, our home… for each other.”

“I see someone who is kind and who stops to see the beauty of the world. Someone who likes to watch the birds fly in the sky, wondering where they go… wondering what it’s like to soar amongst the clouds. I see an intelligent mind who ponders what makes the sky blue and where the sun goes at night. But mostly… I see my truest companion.”

“None of that makes me a warrior.” “A true warrior fights for what’s in his heart.” His fingers trailed along my jaw before he stepped backward. “You may not see it now, but when the time comes for us to go to battle, you will be brave for your heart is bigger than any I know.”

“I knew there was strength in you somewhere, boy. Your own life may not be of concern, but his,” he nodded to Eryx, “he is what you will fight for.”

“Axios, face me.” I did not fight his request because I needed to see him. Perhaps, it would provide me some clarity. When I turned and met his stare, his eyes watched me with the look I’d come to expect from him, one that was kind but also searching, as if he were seeing into a part of my soul. “Speak,” he said in a tone that matched the expression in his grass-green eyes. He brushed the back of his hand along my cheek. A gentle caress that Spartans had no purpose for. Public displays of affection were looked down upon, even when soldiers went off to war and said goodbye to their families. Feelings were for the weak. But I craved his gentleness, especially after the daily harshness my body underwent.

“I wish I could see the world as you, Ery. It matters not what they do—how they beat us or what challenges they place in our path—you continue to see the positives within it. You search for ways to overcome any obstacle.”

“I must,” he answered, removing his arm from me and lying flat on his back. “We are warriors, Axios… or we will be someday. Our entire lives are shaped around defending our home and dying for it if we must. There is nothing more.” “What if I want more?” I asked in a whisper so low I wasn’t sure it would reach his ears.

“If we are to be victorious on this day, we cannot go into this blind,” he said before turning his green eyes to me. “We must stick together. Fight as one. Let them keep their lashes for we have something they do not. Unity.” It was then I truly knew the power Eryx contained. Not just with his skills as a warrior but also his power of influence. The boys watched him with the type of respect I’d not seen them give to anyone else. Not Felix, Gaius, or any of the trainers. It was an admiration that couldn’t be forced or bought, but rather earned. And Eryx had earned it.

Little did he know that he was the only one I cared to gawk at. He was too beautiful for the harsh life we were forced to live. I told Eryx everything without a moment’s hesitation, but I kept those thoughts to myself. Part of me feared that the depth of my feelings for him wouldn’t be returned. Another part knew that nothing could come of it even if they were.

“This is barbaric, Ery. How can you be so calm? That boy did no wrong.” “No, he did not. His treatment is your doing, my friend,” he responded, but unlike earlier when he’d worn a cold expression, he regarded me with compassion. “You must toss away any qualms about the slaves being equals and see them for what they are.”

“Who wishes to show this filth the Spartan’s mercy?” When the boy moved away in a rush, Paris yanked him by his pale hair and held him in place. Tears streamed down the helot’s face and his body shook. His gaze found mine, and a pit formed in my stomach as his fate became clear. No.

I’d been questioning my place in the world, knowing I lacked certain qualities to be a true warrior and ashamed of the fact. I hadn’t wished for Eryx to touch me because I hadn’t deserved the comfort of his embrace. I wondered if he felt the same. Or perhaps, he blamed me for the incident that night and was angry. Whatever the reason, he needed space and I provided it for him. When I closed my eyes, the dead boy stared back at me. Forgive me, I told him, wishing he could hear me. He opened his mouth, blood gushing from his lips, and screamed. The echoes of his cries filled my head, and I startled awake, the traces of sleep I’d had vanished and left me alert and cold. I hadn’t held the blade that ended his life, but it was my fault he was dead. Blue eyes were added to the brown pair that appeared in my dreams—eyes that I’d closed forever. Eternally frozen with the terror of their final moments.

“Why can’t you be like the rest of us?” Eryx asked in a defeated tone. His cheeks glistened, but not from the rain. “Fight, damn you.” I could barely stand. Every part of my body ached, and blood leaked from my cracked lip and a cut on the side of my head. My right eye felt swollen, and my jaw was tight. But I hadn’t fallen.

“This barrier between you… tear it down and repair the connection I’ve seen you build over the years. In all my years of training ephebes, I have not once witnessed what you share.”

“What have I done to anger you, Ery?” My voice cracked on his name. I could endure lashings, beatings, starvation, and extreme weather, but losing him would be the one thing to destroy me. “It is not what you have done to me, but what you’ve done to yourself,” he answered, looking as if he didn’t recognize me. “Why can you not grasp the truth that slaves are below us? That you must fight or you will die. Your weakness, my friend, is caring too much. Your heart is kind, but this is no place to be of tender heart.”

“I thought you liked that about me,” I said, fighting the ache in my chest. Eryx studied me a moment. Silent. Green eyes held my stare, and I couldn’t look away. “That is why it hurts, Ax,” he admitted in a crestfallen tone. “Your soul is pure and your mind—although not strong in battle strategy—is keen in other areas. I admire the way you see the world with such compassion. With such light.” He averted his gaze. “However, one day the light you carry will be snuffed out by darkness. I dread the moment when the gentleness in your brown eyes becomes cold as you see, at last, that the world is unforgiving and cruel. And I fear that I will lose you, either to the god of death or to your inner demons.”

“You’re mistaken,” I said, shaking my head. The movement caused a ringing in my ear, and my sight momentarily blurred, but it quickly passed. I’d had worse beatings in my life, so that was nothing. “I already see the world for what it is. Only, I choose to rise above the flames and refuse to succumb to its bleakness.”

“I was dishonest with you,” Eryx said in a soft, faraway manner. My gaze fell upon him. “How so?” He sat there a moment before his eyes found mine. “I was angry with you. Not only for your reluctance to stand up for yourself, but because I did not favor the way you looked at the helot.” His jaw tightened as he looked toward the wet earth and snatched a long strand of grass, tearing it apart in his hands. “Seeing you fancy another was like a dagger to my heart, Axios. And I must confess that a part of me enjoyed slitting his throat.”

“Death is that way,” he continued, leaning against the trunk before grabbing an overhanging branch and pulling himself up to sit. “I suppose I never truly understood the finality of it until I was the one holding the blade. The one with blood on my hands.” He looked at his palms. “I wonder what he felt right before the light faded from his eyes… where he went afterward, if anywhere at all. Is he at peace?” My thoughts turned to Darius, the life I’d taken so long ago. I understood Eryx’s words. I had wondered the same. “One day we will know the answer,” I said, lifting myself on the branch beside him. “But it is not this day.”

“There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” he whispered, pressing his forehead to mine. “I would kill any man, go any distance, and burn the whole world down if it meant keeping you safe.”

Eryx tilted his head to gaze upon me, grabbing my hand and interlacing our fingers. “Not even death could keep me from you. My soul will forever find yours. In this life and the next.”

“Where is it you learned this?” I asked in a heavy, breathy tone. “The older men.” Eryx smirked as his fingers continued their tender movements. “I inquired about how boys pleased one another.” It occurred to me how the men might have taught him, and the suspicions that entered my mind replaced all pleasure with a deep rage. He took in my emotions with a narrowed brow and stopped. “Axios… it is not what you believe. I have not been touched by any other than you. I am yours… and you are mine.”

Eryx’s steady puffs of air quieted as he shifted and opened his eyes. When his gaze focused on me, he half-smiled. “It wasn’t a dream,” he said, his sleepy grin growing wider. “You’re here, and we’re together.”

“We could run away and not return. Run to the city’s edge and just keep going.” The words had begun as a lighthearted jest, but the more I talked… the more I wished them to come to pass. “Perhaps find a spot of land miles and miles away from here. Build a home and have a life. Just the two of us.”

I knew better than to carry hope, but I did so anyway. “Do you truly wish to abandon our home? Our responsibilities?” he asked so quietly I almost hadn’t heard him. I wish it more than anything. Not trusting myself to speak, I nodded. “You know there is nothing I would not do for you, Axios.” He stilled the wandering hand that had been caressing my side, and his face grew serious. “But this… I cannot give you. You ask me to relinquish my birthright as a warrior, to run away like my coward of a father. Spartans do not run, nor will I.” With those words, my hope crumbled to ash, and the beauty of the moment faded into a heartache unlike any I’d ever known. Unintentionally, I had let my daydreams get in the way of reality, and now that the truth stared me in the face—and struck me in the chest—I knew at last that my silly musings were nothing but a painful reminder of what I couldn’t have.

Many a times I wished I’d been born someone else. Life as a merchant appealed to me more than I could convey. The ability to sail the sea and go wherever the current took me—to have a freedom I was denied by being born of Sparta. In truth, Spartans were free, but in essence, I felt no more than a slave. I was imprisoned from birth—forced into a warrior’s life, one where the only escape was death or old age.

“Let us put behind us what occurred earlier. I should not have asked such a thing of you.” “I know the reason for you asking,” he said, looking away to stare at the two youths who were still practicing on the field. “You have questioned this life since we first met—defying orders when it was to issue harm upon another, refusing to look down on slaves, and consistently expressing whimsical ideals about life away from the city. I had hoped you’d accepted our ways these past years, that you’d found the same passion for our home as I do deep in my bones, but you’ve held firm in your beliefs.”

“Yes, I’m inquisitive, stubborn, and live in my mind more than I should, but I do take great pride in our home. When the time comes, I will fight for Sparta with all my might. It is only sometimes, in my weaker moments, I see how different our lives could be. And I yearn for it, Ery. By the gods, I yearn for it.” I stopped and faced him. “I crave a life where we can live in peace.” My voice was thick with emotion, and I forced myself to speak through the tightness in my throat. “Where love is seen as a strength and where our days are spent lounging by our stream, lost in conversation for hours on end. There’d be no sorrow, pain, and no darkness. Nothing but happiness and light. Love. However, I’ve come to the realization that dream will never be.”

Placing my hand on Eryx’s shoulder, I focused back on him and nodded. No words were shared, but he seemed to understand me without them. I couldn’t form my thoughts in a way that would make sense, and I feared I’d be overcome with emotion if I tried. “They’re our brothers,” he whispered, the intensity of his grass-green eyes sending a shudder through me. “And we do not abandon our family.”

“You killed him with no hesitation,” he said in awe, his green eyes crinkling around the edges as he smiled in wonder. I closed the distance between us and took him into my arms, burying my face into his golden hair. He was safe. My muscles relaxed and I exhaled a shaky breath, finding comfort in the warmth of his skin and his earthy scent. “The only thing that matters to me in this life is you, Ery.” I kissed the side of his head and entwined my fingers in the short waves of his hair. “Gods, man, creature… I will kill them all if it means saving you.”

“Be angry at me if you choose,” he said, displaying no shame for his harsh trick. “Still, it was the only way to reach you; to tear down the walls that kept you from your true self—fearless, strong, and fighting for what’s right. Your empathy for others caused you to forget your loyalty to your own people. I made you remember.”

“Although admitting such a thing goes against everything we are taught as Spartans, I feared death,” I answered, still touching him. Storing him into memory, for when one day if we were ever parted, I could close my eyes and recall every part of his perfection. “But, what frightened me most? Never looking upon your face again. Never feeling your mouth moving on mine nor hearing again the sound of your voice whispering my name. All of these things I have memorized of you would be lost to the unknown abyss.”

“I do not fear death because I’m afraid of dying, Ery… I fear it because it would take me from you.”

“You are my heart,” he said unexpectedly. The amount of care in his voice settled over my chest like a warm cloak. “I do not easily confess emotions in the way you do, but know I feel the same. The words I once spoke to you hold true: I will kill any man and turn the whole world to ash for you, my warrior. I fear neither battle nor death, but I fear the day you are not by my side. Never question where my heart lies, because it is forever yours. In this life and the next.”

“What if they tell us we must leave? That it is time to go to war?” I asked, feeling my pulse race like the chariots from the Olympic Games. “Then we will obey,” he said, a somber edge to his voice. It was the tone he often used when discussing our futures as soldiers. “We shall fight if they ask it of us… and die if we must.” “Do you believe us to be ready?” He regarded me a moment in silence, and I knew he was considering his words before uttering them. “Our preparation for war began when we were of age seven, Ax. Battle has been our primary focus for as long as I can recall. It is our life and our purpose. If we are not ready now, we will never be.”

“He looked like you,” he said, turning to me at last. Tears pooled in his eyes, but none fell. He reached and touched my hair. “Same black hair and build. Similar lips. As I saw him lying upon the earth—lifeless and gone from this world forever—I imagined you, Ax.” The pain in his voice tore at my chest. “But, it wasn’t me.” Taking his hand, I brought it to my cheek so he’d feel the warmth of my skin—feel the life that ran through my veins. “I am here with you.” It then occurred to me why the thought of going to war caused me such apprehension. The reason was not fear of death or reluctance to take lives. It was Eryx—losing him.

Later that night when we lay together, Eryx took me gently, mindful of my aches and bruises. The competiveness of the day was long gone, and we became lost in the feel of the other—the warm strokes and caresses. As I came apart in his strong arms, he tenderly kissed my neck and held me close, forever anchoring me to him. My warrior. My lover. My heart.

“Ery… why do you refuse me?” My tone betrayed me and reflected the tension I’d attempted to keep at bay. “Have I wronged you?” “You have done nothing, and I do not reject you.” He shook his head. “My mind is elsewhere. On training. I must leave to meet the boys.” Even as he spoke the words, I knew they were false. Eryx had never lied to me, and yet, there he was. My apprehension spiked higher. Something was wrong.

“Why are you untruthful, Eryx? We keep nothing from the other.” He looked at my hand before moving his gaze upward, staring at me both with pain and trepidation. “There are times when a lie is more forgiving than a truth, Axios.” “And what is this truth you are keeping me from?” I asked, still holding onto him. “Do not think you can spare my pain by keeping me oblivious. All things come to light with time, and it will only result in fueling my rage by having been blinded to it for so long.”

“You wish to know what troubles me,” he began, gently gripping my arm before releasing me. “Perhaps my thoughts have gotten the best of me, and I caused you worry for naught. Yet… talk of marriage has dampened my spirit and forced me to consider things I’d rather not.” His gaze moved to the floor, and his voice grew thick. “One day we will be expected to marry a woman and bed her. Give her children. Our duties as Spartan males call for it.”

“I do not desire anyone else,” he said, finally lifting his eyes to mine. “But I fear we might not have a choice in the matter. When the day comes… we must do what is expected.” “You’re wrong,” I snapped, unable to conceal the hurt that had taken residence in my entire being. Hurt he caused with one, agonizing sentence. “There is always a choice, Eryx. Always. You just refuse to choose me.”

“Axios… do not leave this way,” he pleaded, his voice so full of emotion that it took me off guard. “I only meant it as a possible option. You are not a whore, nor will I ever consider you one. You’re my heart.” “And yet you speak of leaving me,” I growled, yanking my arm from his hold. “I said the truth would hurt more than the lie,” he said, staring at me with watering eyes. “We can discuss this. Don’t… don’t leave me. I beg of you. Do not leave my side still so consumed with rage.” “I have nothing more to say.”

Eryx intended to leave me. He’d made that known. When faced with fighting for me or settling down with a woman as Sparta asked of him, he would let me go. “I fear neither battle nor death, but I fear the day you are not by my side,” Eryx had told me not so long ago. “Never question where my heart lies, because it is forever yours. In this life and the next.”

“Then, lay with me,” Agesipolis requested, displaying his satisfaction at my confession. “I long to have you writhing beneath me, to see your cheeks flushed with the pleasure I bring you.” My thoughts reflected the imagery of his words. Of how we’d kiss and tear at the clothing separating us before falling into his bed. How we’d roll atop the plush bedding, becoming prisoners to the lust driving us both. But then instead of the king, I saw Eryx. How his skin smelled, the softness of his lips, and the way he held me close as if fearful of my leaving. When he’d thrust himself into me, he’d bite his bottom lip and close his eyes, leaning his head back to expose his neck. And when his body shuddered into mine, he’d gasp my name and bury his face into my shoulder. No one could ever replace him. No one.

“I suppose I should have known a man such as you would be taken.” He looked upon me once more. “How could you not be?” Guilt burrowed itself in my chest. “I apologize for not telling you sooner,” I said, feeling the numbing effects of the wine fading away as regret took over. “Perhaps it was selfish of me, but I was enjoying your company too much.” He nodded as another sad smile passed over his handsome face. “He must be quite the man for you to refuse the advances of a king.”

I said goodbye then and headed for the door, but before I exited his home, I turned to look at him. His stare was on my own, and he offered me a parting smile, which I returned. The moment where our gazes locked seemed to last ages, both of us frozen in an instant of wondering and what ifs. And then it passed, the connection breaking as I turned my back to him and walked out into the night. The king and the soldier—the life that could’ve been but wasn’t meant to be.

“Affection such as the one we share is looked down upon in Sparta. Do you know why that is?” he asked on a whisper, not taking his eyes off mine. “It is because it makes us weak. As warriors, we are to be obedient and to put our home above all else, to follow orders—no matter what they may be—and to die if we must. When we allow love into our lives, we become prisoners to it.”