Atheists Who Kneel and Pray

by Tarryn Fisher

“It’s perfectly normal after seeing someone consistently for six months to wonder where the relationship is going.” “But, in the beginning—” “No,” I said. “That was the beginning. She’s not a robot. She’s a human being with feelings.”

“I’m not an asshole,” he said. “I’m a heartless romantic.” “What’s the difference?” He thought about it. “I believe. But without the proof.”

I considered myself a loner, perfectly content to drift through life as an observer rather than a partaker.

When I left, I had just been one of his heartbreaks, not his first. The first was powerful; it changed you. My own had been so devastating, altering the way I looked at men and love. And it wasn’t something that just wore off with time, returning you to your previous state of belief. Once you lost your faith, it was gone.

“Do I come across that cold?” “Yes.” I sighed. “You have to. When you’ve been hurt and you’re trying to be okay. You can’t let people know they have power over you.”

“There is no moving on when you’re truly in love. You try and you keep trying, but that love is a stain on your life. It’s just not that easy.”

“It’s human nature to want to fix things. That was my first thought, actually, but you’re right. Someone should take you as you are, not have an agenda for how they want to change you.”

I want the pain to stay where it is, hard and heavy.

If someone doesn’t want you, the only self-respecting thing to do is to let them go.

“You don’t have to be enough for me or anyone. I love you as you are. I don’t want you to ever feel pressured to be something for me. That takes the ease out of real love.”

It’s not true what they say, that you can only give your heart away once. That’s the philosophy of the young. The old know better, they know it’s not the heart that you give away, but the mind. Fuck…shit…the mind is a powerful thing. It controls the heart, but most people don’t know that.

“You young people treat love like it’s an accessory, not a matter of life and death. You’re amused by it, in love with the idea of it. You make all of your songs and books about it, but don’t know how to live it out. Love is not part of something else. It’s the only thing.”

You don’t forgive because they deserve it. Most of the time they don’t. You forgive to keep your heart soft. To move forward without bitterness. Forgiveness is for you.”