Atheists Who Kneel and Pray

by Tarryn Fisher

“In the beginning of relationships, things are exciting. The sex is new, and the touches are new. You’re addicted to everything about the other person because it’s all fresh and untainted. Then monotony kicks in, the fighting about stupid things and the very same thing you found exciting becomes…irritating. Boring.”

And even if I stayed for a time, it was inevitable that I’d eventually leave. I was too insecure to allow David to love me.

I tell him that my life would have been better with him, in our little flat, but that in my heart I really didn’t believe I deserved that type of life, so I kept running from it. It’s not an excuse, I tell him. It just is.

I used to think that loving someone split you in two: the person you were when you were alone, and the person you were as part of a team. I held things back from him thinking he’d not want me as I was, and as a result, I always felt trapped beneath my own skin, never fully able to be myself.

When you’re unhealthy, healthy things are frightening.”

it boiled down to our insecurities. That we couldn’t be enough. And instead of staying to fight, we shriveled up, defeated.