Scourged (The Iron Druid Chronicles, #10)

by Kevin Hearne

<“There was a hound named Oberon, And he loved sausage gravy! G-R-A-V-Y! G-R-A-V-Y! G-R-A-V-Y! And he loved sausage gravy.”>

You know I can’t resist arguing with a white man.” “You’d probably enjoy Twitter, then.

And for how much time, sir, shall I expect you to be…so mild and genteel?” “Honestly, this half a minute might be it. Savor it while ye can. Greta—that’s me girlfriend—says I might need years of therapy.” “She sounds like a wise and caring companion, if I may say so.” “That she is, and ye may.”

The surviving sheep bleated the ovine equivalent of “Did you see that shit just now? I’m never going near the ocean again, no ma-a-atter how green the grass is,”

“As you can see from the utter batshit unfolding behind me, the situation is pretty dire, and I can’t believe my boss sent me into the middle of this insanity. That’s it. I bloody quit.”

defeating them is not your true purpose. You must defeat something else.” “What? My secret desire to live on nothing but breakfast pastries? My growing addiction to anime?”

Most humans I’ve seen wear something to cover up their middle. Why do they do that? Is it because you have a smaller patch of fur there and a tiny snake living in it?> That’s not a tiny snake. <Pretty sure it’s not a big snake.> It’s not a snake at all! Look, never mind that.

<Tell me more about yourself, Slomo. What’s it like to live here? I’d like to hear some of your adventures.> <Is it okay that most of them begin with me dangling upside down like this?> <O’ course! An adventure without dangling is no adventure at all.> <Whoa! Really? That means practically my whole life is an adventure! I never realized!> <That’s okay, love. Few people do.>

Huge part of the human economy is based on just in case, you know that? Insurance, condoms, diapers—it’s all just in case.”